Pin likes to tease me about growing up in Seattle and wonders how I'm still alive, because "doesn't everyone kill themselves in the winter?" This year, I spend most of my time with friends from the warm, sunny places of the US: California, Florida, Hawaii. It was with not unreasonable envy that I looked over their photos from Christmas break and saw sunny, clear blue skies, while I sat stuck indoors because of a foot or more of snow. But that was freak cold weather, at least for Seattle.
The last few weeks though have presented me with the cold, gray, overcast/rainy days that I come to expect from the winter season. The days I was familiar with. The ones of my childhood.
Today was another such day. It assailed me with an overpowering sense of homesickness. Or maybe not homesickness as much as Pat-sickness. I was looking through my photos and I saw some from Christmas '07 and then ones from this past Christmas. I can't believe how quickly the time between them passed. All those missed months, moments, memories...
I know that it's my choice to stay out here, and that it will continue to remain my choice to stay away, but sometimes it sucks. It sucks that my best friend is half the world away and that I talk to him infrequently at best. It sucks that he isn't here to see all the things that make up my life in Japan, or meet the people that populate it. That we can't go out for a cup of coffee or a drink as our ritual and share our troubles with life and love.
But, ever-the-optimist, I search for the silver lining, no matter how elusive it is, especially in clouds as slate-grey as the ones outside. I have hope that our friendship is stronger than the accumulated experiences we share; that we remain connected despite the distance; that we are more than the sum of our parts.
I guess that's the answer to Pin's question. What else would it be but Hope?
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