So this last weekend, I along with hundreds, maybe thousands of other foreigners, flocked to various testing centers throughout Japan to take the various levels of the Japan Language Proficiency Test or for short, the JLPT.
There are currently 4 levels to the test: from 1-kyuu to 4-kyuu, going from hardest to easiest. Last year I missed the deadline to apply for 3-kyuu, which was far earlier than I thought it would be, but I guess that just attests to Japanese punctuality. If I were to take it this year, I felt that I would pass it easily and that my time might be better spent studying for 2-kyuu, even if it wasn't likely that I'd pass.
For those of you that are wondering, at 4-kyuu you have to know about 100 kanji and 800 words, 3-kyuu is 300 kanji and 1500 words, 2-kyuu is 1000 kanji and 6,000 words and 1-kyuu...well, that's just impossible. No actually it's not, it's just very difficult even for Japanese people. If you can pass 1-kyuu you should be able to read Japanese newspapers.
Thus, you can see that there's a big jump between 3-kyuu and 2-kyuu. I had friends that I considered very good Japanese speakers that were struggling with 2-kyuu, therefore my lack of faith in my skills. When I would express this to my friends, they would be really surprised because they considered ME a good Japanese speaker. I'd have to point out to them that that was because they were only really seeing me SPEAK Japanese, which is by far my strongest skill next to listening.
I'm comfortable switching to Japanese and even if I don't speak it correctly, that doesn't usually stop me from trying to say it; one capability I had to develop while living in Nagoya. But, I NEVER studied Japanese in school and so my reading and writing skills started at a much lower level than most.
One thing I didn't count on over the last year of studying for the test, was developing a very strong complacence about studying, based on my comfort with my Japanese speaking abilities.
A friend of mine who also took the test asked me how it went. I told her that it went about what I thought it would go: the listening was easy, and the rest of it, especially the reading comprehension was really hard. I don't think I passed. And yet, I'm all right with that. I'm going to try to take it again in July, since they're going to begin offering it twice a year starting 2009. She had more confidence in my Japanese, assumed that I would pass it asked me if I would take 1-kyuu next year. I told her no, I'm not planning on it.
I don't think that I will devote more time studying enough Japanese to warrant taking it at any point in the future. Honestly, I'm really just comfortable being able to speak it and communicate with people. I know that there is a part of Japanese culture that I won't be able to access, without being able to read newspapers and books of a certain level, but I'm okay with that. I feel like I understand and fit into Japanese culture to a degree that I'm happy with. Maybe not enough for other people, but it's enough for me.
Plus, one of my New Year's resolutions is to get back onto studying French. I'm really trying to focus on French in terms of cooking and food, since that is what I'll be dealing with when I go to school. The other stuff, I think I can pick up while I'm there, like I did with Japanese.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Callused, but not Callous
A number of weeks ago, I noticed a callus on the palm of my hand, below my pinky finger. I hadn't been doing a lot of undue exercise or hanging off of bars or cleaning my house, so I wondered what it was from. It was strange since it was only on my right hand, not on my left. Several weeks later, I was riding my bike home from work and I realized what caused it. It was from holding onto my bike's handlebars. The reason it was only on my right was because I hold the right handlebar differently, in order to hover over the front brake lever.
Such a tiny thing, why even bring it up? Because in this tiny piece of hardened skin, is my life in Japan. It is something that has developed over days, weeks, months of riding that bike: to school, to the station, to the supermarket. It only exists because I've spent the last 2 and half years here.
Last night, while I stopped at McDonald's (yes, I know, it's horrible) for a quick snack, the theme song of Rent was playing inside MegaMart. One verse goes, “525, 600 minutes- how do you measure, measure a year?” I thought about that, and thought of my callus.
Time: seconds, minutes, years, these are all abstract concepts. Terms that we apply to describe the passing of time. But isn't my callus more of a testament to the seasons than all the terminology we toss about? It represents a physical change in me, something that at least attests to the greater mental and emotional change wrought in myself after spending so long out of the states, away from home. Long enough that I've created another.
Part of my captivation with this callus is that I'm on the verge of going back to that previous home, yet again. It will be the fourth time I've returned, my third Christmas...in Seattle. I hesitated for a minute there because I wanted to say, my third Christmas abroad, but then I realized, Japan is the 'abroad' and that Seattle, America, is supposed to be my home. Is it any longer? I don't feel like it is. I'm excited to go, to see my family, my friends, but I view it as a place I'm going to for 'vacation', not a place that I live anymore.
Yesterday I chatted with my friend Ray on gmail and recommended a Japanese movie that I thought he might like. Pin showed it to me and joked that the title sounded more appropriate for a porno than an anime, “Byosoku go senchimetoru” or 5 Centimeters per Second. Rather, it refers to the speed at which cherry blossoms are said to fall. It is about one boy and his relationships, particularly his first love, and the distance that separates them.
The stories are rather sad, but what we both liked about them was again, something little. They would cut these shots of Japanese things into the scenes. Normal things, like the handles hanging from the roof of a train car, or slippers at a genkan. My favorite one was this shot of a washing machine. It was just completing a load, but it struck me how familiar it was, from its looks to its whirring noise and the beeps it made. So completely mundane. Yet, if I only lived in Seattle, I probably would have no clue what that shot was of, and then promptly dismissed it from my thoughts. Instead, it helped create a fuller, more real picture of these characters lives. Life in Japan. A life that I share more and more.
Such a tiny thing, why even bring it up? Because in this tiny piece of hardened skin, is my life in Japan. It is something that has developed over days, weeks, months of riding that bike: to school, to the station, to the supermarket. It only exists because I've spent the last 2 and half years here.
Last night, while I stopped at McDonald's (yes, I know, it's horrible) for a quick snack, the theme song of Rent was playing inside MegaMart. One verse goes, “525, 600 minutes- how do you measure, measure a year?” I thought about that, and thought of my callus.
Time: seconds, minutes, years, these are all abstract concepts. Terms that we apply to describe the passing of time. But isn't my callus more of a testament to the seasons than all the terminology we toss about? It represents a physical change in me, something that at least attests to the greater mental and emotional change wrought in myself after spending so long out of the states, away from home. Long enough that I've created another.
Part of my captivation with this callus is that I'm on the verge of going back to that previous home, yet again. It will be the fourth time I've returned, my third Christmas...in Seattle. I hesitated for a minute there because I wanted to say, my third Christmas abroad, but then I realized, Japan is the 'abroad' and that Seattle, America, is supposed to be my home. Is it any longer? I don't feel like it is. I'm excited to go, to see my family, my friends, but I view it as a place I'm going to for 'vacation', not a place that I live anymore.
Yesterday I chatted with my friend Ray on gmail and recommended a Japanese movie that I thought he might like. Pin showed it to me and joked that the title sounded more appropriate for a porno than an anime, “Byosoku go senchimetoru” or 5 Centimeters per Second. Rather, it refers to the speed at which cherry blossoms are said to fall. It is about one boy and his relationships, particularly his first love, and the distance that separates them.
The stories are rather sad, but what we both liked about them was again, something little. They would cut these shots of Japanese things into the scenes. Normal things, like the handles hanging from the roof of a train car, or slippers at a genkan. My favorite one was this shot of a washing machine. It was just completing a load, but it struck me how familiar it was, from its looks to its whirring noise and the beeps it made. So completely mundane. Yet, if I only lived in Seattle, I probably would have no clue what that shot was of, and then promptly dismissed it from my thoughts. Instead, it helped create a fuller, more real picture of these characters lives. Life in Japan. A life that I share more and more.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
The good, the bad, and the children...
I've had several conversations with different boyfriends over the years about realism and idealism. These discussions have helped define and refine my own beliefs about people and their natures.
Bryce was a steadfast realist, which caused a lot of tension in our relationship. One thing that drew George to me, and I to him, was our shared idealism. Travis reminds me of Bryce, but he's pointed out a particular difference between them: He is a realist with strong idealist leanings. It's a good compromise. Pin and I are both idealists, but I think for different reasons. Pin has, what I believe, is an idealism rooted in nostalgia. He believes that we are born innocent and good, and that it's life's lessons that harden us, that screw us up. He points to children as models of what we should strive to be.
As Travis and I discussed an article I sent him about a new genetic test that can be used to determine which sport(s) your child might be best suited to, I found what lay at the heart of my idealism. It's my connectedness to other people. I don't think that I'm that different or special. I believe that, if I can come to think a certain way about something, I don't see what's stopping other people from coming to think the same way as well. Granted, things like education do come into play, but that can't eliminate a HUGE percentage of the population, like my realist friends seem to believe. They believe that it's preposterous to expect more from them; that people are actually intelligent.
I feel it's preposterous to think I'm the only one that thinks thus. Wouldn't more people think this way? It's not just limited to the way people think, however. It's the same with wanting to be a good person. Or being 'nice', as many of my friends have described me. They tell me that I'm so nice, and say it with such...surprise, that I find myself amazed at that. Have they really met so few nice people? And why would you choose to be otherwise, if given a choice? That's one thing I can't fathom. Yes, people make mistakes, and we don't always do the 'nice', the 'good' thing all the time. We're not perfect. But I believe that for the most part, people are good, that they WANT to be.
I disagree with Pin. I don't think that we are born good, I think that we can only be truly good when we have knowledge, both of good and bad. We are not innately good. We CHOOSE to be good. Life, and its lessons, do not confuse us. They teach us. We learn, we grow, and I believe, we become better people.
Bryce was a steadfast realist, which caused a lot of tension in our relationship. One thing that drew George to me, and I to him, was our shared idealism. Travis reminds me of Bryce, but he's pointed out a particular difference between them: He is a realist with strong idealist leanings. It's a good compromise. Pin and I are both idealists, but I think for different reasons. Pin has, what I believe, is an idealism rooted in nostalgia. He believes that we are born innocent and good, and that it's life's lessons that harden us, that screw us up. He points to children as models of what we should strive to be.
As Travis and I discussed an article I sent him about a new genetic test that can be used to determine which sport(s) your child might be best suited to, I found what lay at the heart of my idealism. It's my connectedness to other people. I don't think that I'm that different or special. I believe that, if I can come to think a certain way about something, I don't see what's stopping other people from coming to think the same way as well. Granted, things like education do come into play, but that can't eliminate a HUGE percentage of the population, like my realist friends seem to believe. They believe that it's preposterous to expect more from them; that people are actually intelligent.
I feel it's preposterous to think I'm the only one that thinks thus. Wouldn't more people think this way? It's not just limited to the way people think, however. It's the same with wanting to be a good person. Or being 'nice', as many of my friends have described me. They tell me that I'm so nice, and say it with such...surprise, that I find myself amazed at that. Have they really met so few nice people? And why would you choose to be otherwise, if given a choice? That's one thing I can't fathom. Yes, people make mistakes, and we don't always do the 'nice', the 'good' thing all the time. We're not perfect. But I believe that for the most part, people are good, that they WANT to be.
I disagree with Pin. I don't think that we are born good, I think that we can only be truly good when we have knowledge, both of good and bad. We are not innately good. We CHOOSE to be good. Life, and its lessons, do not confuse us. They teach us. We learn, we grow, and I believe, we become better people.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
My Make-Believe Roommate
So I have a friend named Pin, likely the only Pin I will ever meet or know in my life.
I met him about 2 years ago in Shimizu, while I was at the Docomo store with Albert trying to get my keitai (cell phone). For the first year and a half, our relationship mainly consisted of hanging out and seeing each other through various friends with whom we were closer. Prompted by his transferring to Fujinomiya to take over for another friend who was returning to the states, we began getting dinners together in Kambara, which was on his way home from school.
Since then, we have dinner together at least once a week, freely stay at one another's apartments, both with and without the other one present, and text one another on a near daily basis. It is a rare, and slightly unsettling, week when we don't see one another.
It has taken a while, but he's opened up to me a lot. Not necessarily about everything, but I don't expect that. I've long since realized that he is rather stoic, despite also being acutely sensitive. I'm used to laying things all out there, but I know that when he doesn't, it's not a reflection on me, just that he feels there are some things that need to be said, and others that don't.
We've half-joked about becoming roommates...Lately, as he's considering the possibility of staying in Japan for another year, he's taken to checking out 'perfect apartments' for us. Main requirements being: good location, big kitchen (since we both like to cook and EAT), bedrooms on opposite ends (so that we can 'bang for days without the other one knowing'), and enough space to entertain friends. He even texted me the other day about what a typical Sunday might consist of.
Gee, starting to sound like he's either my gay friend or my boyfriend. Fortunately, or unfortunately, he's neither. I guess it's enough that he's one of my adopted older brothers. Someone that I know I can count on to go out for a drink or to buy me one when I need it.
I met him about 2 years ago in Shimizu, while I was at the Docomo store with Albert trying to get my keitai (cell phone). For the first year and a half, our relationship mainly consisted of hanging out and seeing each other through various friends with whom we were closer. Prompted by his transferring to Fujinomiya to take over for another friend who was returning to the states, we began getting dinners together in Kambara, which was on his way home from school.
Since then, we have dinner together at least once a week, freely stay at one another's apartments, both with and without the other one present, and text one another on a near daily basis. It is a rare, and slightly unsettling, week when we don't see one another.
It has taken a while, but he's opened up to me a lot. Not necessarily about everything, but I don't expect that. I've long since realized that he is rather stoic, despite also being acutely sensitive. I'm used to laying things all out there, but I know that when he doesn't, it's not a reflection on me, just that he feels there are some things that need to be said, and others that don't.
We've half-joked about becoming roommates...Lately, as he's considering the possibility of staying in Japan for another year, he's taken to checking out 'perfect apartments' for us. Main requirements being: good location, big kitchen (since we both like to cook and EAT), bedrooms on opposite ends (so that we can 'bang for days without the other one knowing'), and enough space to entertain friends. He even texted me the other day about what a typical Sunday might consist of.
Gee, starting to sound like he's either my gay friend or my boyfriend. Fortunately, or unfortunately, he's neither. I guess it's enough that he's one of my adopted older brothers. Someone that I know I can count on to go out for a drink or to buy me one when I need it.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Seito
Yesterday, I meant to leave at 4:30 for the second day in a row, but ended up staying with students until 6 afterschool. And I have no regrets about having done so.
Monday, I headed up to the san-nensei hallway to see if some of my favorite 35HR girls were up there studying. Instead, I ran into two 35 boys and two 33 boys. The two were from the "boy's class" I had while they were second years, infamous for the one student that was basically sexually harassing me during classtime. Needless to say, I didn't necessarily have a good impression of any of the boys in that class. But they totally brought me around.
I don't know how it really began, I think I might've asked how the English proficiency test that they took on Sunday went, but from there we ended up talking about music, movies, famous people, languages, university and what they were going to study, and of course, boys and girls and boyfriends and girlfriends. It was then that I realized that I haven't been taking advantage of my unique position at the school as much as I used to. For those boys, I was an 'approachable' girl, because I wasn't Japanese so I'm not afraid or shy about hanging out with them. Plus, as an ALT, I'm not quite a full-fledged teacher, and am also younger than most of the other teachers, so they can relate to me better.
The one thing was that, after I suggested to one of the boys that he text me in French after he graduates, another one asked if we could "asobimashou" i. e. play together after they graduated. I agreed, and then one says, "Tequila!" followed by chimes of "Beer!" Ah, they are adolescent boys after all. At first I tried to point out that even if they were graduates, they were still 2 years younger than the legal limit, but I realized that that would've been hypocritical, so I trailed off with a "Well, as long as you're not in uniform..." Then, when we started packing up and heading home, they thanked me "for my time." I thought that was really sweet.
Yesterday kinda went the same way: I had to wait for the teachers to return to the teacher's room from a meeting that I didn't know was happening, to stand guard against the students having full access to said room. 5 o'clock hit, and I 'osaki-ni-shitsurei shimashita'-ed myself out of there. But, I got to the hallway linking the two buildings and heard the girls playing basketball in the gym to my left.
Bouyed by the great experience of connecting with the boys the previous day, I mounted the steps and walked over. The 6 girls playing swiveled their heads as one as I got to entrance, followed by greetings of welcome. I stepped in and for a while just watched them practice their shots. After a while, their coach came and they began various drills. I stayed to the side and chatted with two of the girls: one the manager and one a player who wasn't feeling well that day, punctuated by my eardrums getting nearly blown out by the signal going off every 6 minutes per drill. When they started shooting practice again, I decided to shoot some hoops too.
It's been a while. I think the last time I did so in a real gym was in high school, over 7 years ago. I'm a horrible shot. But, I didn't care. At some point during it, I started enjoying it. Shooting, dribbling, running after the ball after it rebounded off the backboard. The whole time, I thought about Pin and his love for this game, and I understood a bit. I'm certainly not going to play in a game anytime soon, but before I left, I asked them to teach me to how to shoot a ball.
I stayed til their practice was over, and after they stood in a circle, bowed and said thank you to their coach with an "arigatou gozaimashita" (something that I'm a bit familiar with, having to do so in tea ceremony club), they came over to me, stood in a circle and thanked me with the same Japanese formality. I felt a bit over-whelmed since I thought I was just being "jama" and in the way, interrupting their practice and all. But they thanked me for my time (just like the boys) in English, and invited me to come again.
How can you not love these kids?
Monday, I headed up to the san-nensei hallway to see if some of my favorite 35HR girls were up there studying. Instead, I ran into two 35 boys and two 33 boys. The two were from the "boy's class" I had while they were second years, infamous for the one student that was basically sexually harassing me during classtime. Needless to say, I didn't necessarily have a good impression of any of the boys in that class. But they totally brought me around.
I don't know how it really began, I think I might've asked how the English proficiency test that they took on Sunday went, but from there we ended up talking about music, movies, famous people, languages, university and what they were going to study, and of course, boys and girls and boyfriends and girlfriends. It was then that I realized that I haven't been taking advantage of my unique position at the school as much as I used to. For those boys, I was an 'approachable' girl, because I wasn't Japanese so I'm not afraid or shy about hanging out with them. Plus, as an ALT, I'm not quite a full-fledged teacher, and am also younger than most of the other teachers, so they can relate to me better.
The one thing was that, after I suggested to one of the boys that he text me in French after he graduates, another one asked if we could "asobimashou" i. e. play together after they graduated. I agreed, and then one says, "Tequila!" followed by chimes of "Beer!" Ah, they are adolescent boys after all. At first I tried to point out that even if they were graduates, they were still 2 years younger than the legal limit, but I realized that that would've been hypocritical, so I trailed off with a "Well, as long as you're not in uniform..." Then, when we started packing up and heading home, they thanked me "for my time." I thought that was really sweet.
Yesterday kinda went the same way: I had to wait for the teachers to return to the teacher's room from a meeting that I didn't know was happening, to stand guard against the students having full access to said room. 5 o'clock hit, and I 'osaki-ni-shitsurei shimashita'-ed myself out of there. But, I got to the hallway linking the two buildings and heard the girls playing basketball in the gym to my left.
Bouyed by the great experience of connecting with the boys the previous day, I mounted the steps and walked over. The 6 girls playing swiveled their heads as one as I got to entrance, followed by greetings of welcome. I stepped in and for a while just watched them practice their shots. After a while, their coach came and they began various drills. I stayed to the side and chatted with two of the girls: one the manager and one a player who wasn't feeling well that day, punctuated by my eardrums getting nearly blown out by the signal going off every 6 minutes per drill. When they started shooting practice again, I decided to shoot some hoops too.
It's been a while. I think the last time I did so in a real gym was in high school, over 7 years ago. I'm a horrible shot. But, I didn't care. At some point during it, I started enjoying it. Shooting, dribbling, running after the ball after it rebounded off the backboard. The whole time, I thought about Pin and his love for this game, and I understood a bit. I'm certainly not going to play in a game anytime soon, but before I left, I asked them to teach me to how to shoot a ball.
I stayed til their practice was over, and after they stood in a circle, bowed and said thank you to their coach with an "arigatou gozaimashita" (something that I'm a bit familiar with, having to do so in tea ceremony club), they came over to me, stood in a circle and thanked me with the same Japanese formality. I felt a bit over-whelmed since I thought I was just being "jama" and in the way, interrupting their practice and all. But they thanked me for my time (just like the boys) in English, and invited me to come again.
How can you not love these kids?
Life in a Fishbowl
Lately I've been spending a lot of time with the BOE crew and I'm starting to see some of the critiques of BOE ALTs for myself. Not that I don't love the friends that I've made, and being able to spend more time with a solid group of people. It's just that, because the group is so small, it is both insular and insulated from the majority of the JET community. All of the dramas and melodramas play out on a much smaller, more tense stage.
Sometimes, it's nice to get away; I take advantage of my position as a kencho JET and hang out with other ALT friends. But sometimes, even that's not enough, because I still end up with ALTs. That's when I appreciate having made Japanese friends early on and continuously while I've lived in Shizuoka.
It's nice to forget all the issues, and just have a good time with friends. You lose yourself in another language. Which is what I did last Friday: after dinner with some ALTs, I went off to karaoke with two of my Shimizu J-boy friends, up until first train.
Which led to another fun experience when, while at the train station, two of my students saw me with them on their way to school. How they could be going to school while the moon was still up on a Saturday morning, I don't understand, but we had a good laugh about it when they asked me about it in class this week.
Sometimes, it's nice to get away; I take advantage of my position as a kencho JET and hang out with other ALT friends. But sometimes, even that's not enough, because I still end up with ALTs. That's when I appreciate having made Japanese friends early on and continuously while I've lived in Shizuoka.
It's nice to forget all the issues, and just have a good time with friends. You lose yourself in another language. Which is what I did last Friday: after dinner with some ALTs, I went off to karaoke with two of my Shimizu J-boy friends, up until first train.
Which led to another fun experience when, while at the train station, two of my students saw me with them on their way to school. How they could be going to school while the moon was still up on a Saturday morning, I don't understand, but we had a good laugh about it when they asked me about it in class this week.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Robo-vision
Yuna and I met in Shizuoka for lunch yesterday. It's a bit strange to have a strong online relationship with someone despite having several mutual friends, so we both welcomed the opportunity to get to know one another better.
Yuna is an interesting individual, and unlike many of the Japanese friends I've made. Maybe it's her age and being married, though maybe it also has something to do with the situation with her mom. She gives me the impression that she's had to defend herself from other peoples' scrutiny: about her decision to take care of her and about giving up her plans to go abroad. She's like red wine: sharp, deep, mysterious. She doesn't yield things up to novices easily. You have to know how to read her to fully appreciate her.
After lunch we walked back toward Shizuoka station and she proceeded to take pictures of me. I remember vividly the look in her eyes as we walked around the station. Her focus was visible on her face. I told her I wanted to be able to go into her head and see through her eyes. As an artist, as someone accustomed to sizing up a situation, she must look at the world in a completely different way than other people. I think it looks something like how robots see, like Terminator or Robocop: all geometric shapes laid over the real world, ratios, measurements. And yet, also an appraisal of beauty.
Only in the last couple of years have I picked up a thing or two about photography and composition and design. This ability to make the world look a certain way is fascinating and empowering. It's about control. Yet I shy away a bit. I guess that's my natural inclination to be the power behind the throne, never actually sitting in it.
I think she's drawn to it.
I think I like that about her.
Yuna is an interesting individual, and unlike many of the Japanese friends I've made. Maybe it's her age and being married, though maybe it also has something to do with the situation with her mom. She gives me the impression that she's had to defend herself from other peoples' scrutiny: about her decision to take care of her and about giving up her plans to go abroad. She's like red wine: sharp, deep, mysterious. She doesn't yield things up to novices easily. You have to know how to read her to fully appreciate her.
After lunch we walked back toward Shizuoka station and she proceeded to take pictures of me. I remember vividly the look in her eyes as we walked around the station. Her focus was visible on her face. I told her I wanted to be able to go into her head and see through her eyes. As an artist, as someone accustomed to sizing up a situation, she must look at the world in a completely different way than other people. I think it looks something like how robots see, like Terminator or Robocop: all geometric shapes laid over the real world, ratios, measurements. And yet, also an appraisal of beauty.
Only in the last couple of years have I picked up a thing or two about photography and composition and design. This ability to make the world look a certain way is fascinating and empowering. It's about control. Yet I shy away a bit. I guess that's my natural inclination to be the power behind the throne, never actually sitting in it.
I think she's drawn to it.
I think I like that about her.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Natsukashii: Retroactive Post
I've forgotten what leaving school at 2:15 feels like. It's been years since I've had a dismissal at such a time: college classes and work usually begin on the hour or the half, and even when I take time off, it's usually right after lunch, not for just a couple of hours. Today, I didn't really have a choice. I had to use up my hours of daikyu from summer business trips.
Maybe some of that high school exuberance filtered through to me. Maybe it was reading Pin and Bob's blogs all day that reminded me of how much I love people who love food. Especially ones that share my Asian-American immigrant experience. I point that out because I feel like our cultural past is so much more present, so much more tangible in our food memories. Maybe I'm making that out to be more than it is. For now, I'm making the most of these extra daylight hours.
Maybe some of that high school exuberance filtered through to me. Maybe it was reading Pin and Bob's blogs all day that reminded me of how much I love people who love food. Especially ones that share my Asian-American immigrant experience. I point that out because I feel like our cultural past is so much more present, so much more tangible in our food memories. Maybe I'm making that out to be more than it is. For now, I'm making the most of these extra daylight hours.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Space and Perspective: Retroactive Post
I began our break thinking: This is about giving him time to see if he can commit to me, and that maybe we need this because we need to do something different. Haven't we spent enough time thinking, talking, waiting? Maybe action is what we need. After all, it's been a year since he first got here.
Then my thoughts became: Oh god, three months is a long time. What if he finds someone new? What if he was right and this really is the end? despite my natural optimism that if we're really meant to be, if we're really as good for each other as I think we are, it will work out and we WILL be together.
Which led to: I miss him. I don't want to do this. I can't do this for three months. This sucks, and I can't think of anything else except for him and how I'm not going to have any of those moments with him for a long time.
After emails of articles that I probably shouldn't have sent, for the simple reason that I had to question my intentions for doing so (something which he later called me on), and him contacting me online after days spent hoping/dreading that I would see him, I sent out an SOS to my friend Vandy.
Talking with her finally made me realize that this break is really about him and completely changed my perspective about it. I am finally okay with giving him space because I'm seeing him like a friend for the first time. I really do care about him, maybe even love him, but because of that I can let him go, for his own good.
I've underestimated how much living in Japan has taken its toll on him. All of my efforts have served to do the opposite of what I intended. I know that he hasn't wanted to treat me like a crutch, he is really independent and for all that I offer to help, it doesn't. Because that's not what he needs.
He just needs to know that I'm here for him if he needs me, but not to press it on him. That was what he meant about wanting me to sit there, or hold him and not say anything. All of his energy has gone into dealing with Japan, and he doesn't have anything left for me, which is why he hasn't been able to give me more, why he thinks that he CAN'T give me more.
I've realized that this all has more to do with him and Japan and not me, not us. It's not US that's the problem: it's US in JAPAN. He's tried to tell me that, but I haven't been able to understand, or maybe I've just thought that he hasn't had the balls to tell me he doesn't really want to be with me, that he's just been using Japan as an excuse.
Which is why, I've come to the point that even if he doesn't want to be with me in three months, if he really can't, I'm all right with that. I want him to be happy, I want to give him the time and the space to really develop a life here, one that he's happy with, one that doesn't frustrate him because he feels more like a child and instead of an adult.
Maybe that's the resentment that I've been sensing. It's resentment, as if my help is more like condescension. Vandy said that maybe we both need to learn from one another, to learn how to deal with solving problems in a different way, and that maybe he needs to learn a little from me about talking about them, and I need to learn a little from him about being more patient.
So on that note, I think I'm ready. Ready to wait, to REALLY wait for him, because I think he's worth it. I just hope that he realizes that he is too.
Then my thoughts became: Oh god, three months is a long time. What if he finds someone new? What if he was right and this really is the end? despite my natural optimism that if we're really meant to be, if we're really as good for each other as I think we are, it will work out and we WILL be together.
Which led to: I miss him. I don't want to do this. I can't do this for three months. This sucks, and I can't think of anything else except for him and how I'm not going to have any of those moments with him for a long time.
After emails of articles that I probably shouldn't have sent, for the simple reason that I had to question my intentions for doing so (something which he later called me on), and him contacting me online after days spent hoping/dreading that I would see him, I sent out an SOS to my friend Vandy.
Talking with her finally made me realize that this break is really about him and completely changed my perspective about it. I am finally okay with giving him space because I'm seeing him like a friend for the first time. I really do care about him, maybe even love him, but because of that I can let him go, for his own good.
I've underestimated how much living in Japan has taken its toll on him. All of my efforts have served to do the opposite of what I intended. I know that he hasn't wanted to treat me like a crutch, he is really independent and for all that I offer to help, it doesn't. Because that's not what he needs.
He just needs to know that I'm here for him if he needs me, but not to press it on him. That was what he meant about wanting me to sit there, or hold him and not say anything. All of his energy has gone into dealing with Japan, and he doesn't have anything left for me, which is why he hasn't been able to give me more, why he thinks that he CAN'T give me more.
I've realized that this all has more to do with him and Japan and not me, not us. It's not US that's the problem: it's US in JAPAN. He's tried to tell me that, but I haven't been able to understand, or maybe I've just thought that he hasn't had the balls to tell me he doesn't really want to be with me, that he's just been using Japan as an excuse.
Which is why, I've come to the point that even if he doesn't want to be with me in three months, if he really can't, I'm all right with that. I want him to be happy, I want to give him the time and the space to really develop a life here, one that he's happy with, one that doesn't frustrate him because he feels more like a child and instead of an adult.
Maybe that's the resentment that I've been sensing. It's resentment, as if my help is more like condescension. Vandy said that maybe we both need to learn from one another, to learn how to deal with solving problems in a different way, and that maybe he needs to learn a little from me about talking about them, and I need to learn a little from him about being more patient.
So on that note, I think I'm ready. Ready to wait, to REALLY wait for him, because I think he's worth it. I just hope that he realizes that he is too.
America’s Angry Inch: Retroactive Post
Prompted by my visit to Chika's home in Tsushima for the first time this weekend, I had a revelation about yet another difference between Japanese and American culture. It started like this (it started like that, it started with a wiffle ball bat, so....no, j/k).
Actually, Chika first showed me her short films from when she was in the US. It's really inspiring to see a friend sharing their talent with you. I hope to see more of her work someday, when she gets back to it. One in particular stuck with me: her final film titled 'the diary'. It was about a boy whom you're led to think is crazy since he believes in a Pink-cloud Monster and an ominous Black Cloud that takes away his love. In the end however, he takes control of his life and decides that it is what he wants it to be, that he is the person that he chooses to be and is re-united with his beloved.
After this, Chika put on Hedwig and the Angry Inch, a movie that I've seen parts of when I was younger and that I've known about since childhood, but haven't ever watched. It was surprisingly one of the most entertaining movies I've seen in a while. Basically, it's about an East German tansgender rock star and her trials in love.
Later in the evening, we got back from the Tsushima matsuri and headed to Tsutaya for a couple of movies. While trying to choose movies, we got into discussing why Japanese peoples' taste in movies differs so greatly from American tastes. Chika said that most Japanese people don't understand her movies because they're very 'American'. I tried to figure out what that meant...I knew that they were different, but in what ways exactly?
I think that it has to do with identity. American movies focus on so many different '-isms': sexism, racism, classism, etc...Why is that? Because we seek to define ourselves. Hedwig was a perfect example of this. As individuals we plumb what we are not, in order to find what we are. I think that this is inextricably connected to our identity as Americans. We don't have one. We have many. We're allowed to have many. This is one of America's greatest strengths, but this is also why we have so much uncertainty in our lives. We don't know what we're supposed to be, because society tells us we can be anything, that we are everything.
Japanese movies on the other hand, and most Asian movies, tend to be very sentimental, full of drama and emotions and love, etc...Something most Americans find a bit overdone, but which makes sense when you think about how they lack this need to define themselves. Eastern countries have such an extended history, a history that provides so many rules about what people should do and how they should behave. It's something that you have to be here to really experience how fundamental this is to its citizens. Japanese people are JAPANESE. This embodies many things, and I don't mean to say that there aren't some black sheep in the bunch, but when it comes down to it, if you're Japanese, that's what you are. It permeates your individual identity so thoroughly, it doesn't really occur to them that it could be different.
This unconscious awareness is something we sorely lack as Americans. Our nation is so young, by international standards, and we're not a mono-culture. We pride and prize our pluralism, our multi-culturalism, our salad bowl of a country. That's one thing I've learned after living abroad for so long: neither is right or wrong, better or worse, they're simply just...different.
Actually, Chika first showed me her short films from when she was in the US. It's really inspiring to see a friend sharing their talent with you. I hope to see more of her work someday, when she gets back to it. One in particular stuck with me: her final film titled 'the diary'. It was about a boy whom you're led to think is crazy since he believes in a Pink-cloud Monster and an ominous Black Cloud that takes away his love. In the end however, he takes control of his life and decides that it is what he wants it to be, that he is the person that he chooses to be and is re-united with his beloved.
After this, Chika put on Hedwig and the Angry Inch, a movie that I've seen parts of when I was younger and that I've known about since childhood, but haven't ever watched. It was surprisingly one of the most entertaining movies I've seen in a while. Basically, it's about an East German tansgender rock star and her trials in love.
Later in the evening, we got back from the Tsushima matsuri and headed to Tsutaya for a couple of movies. While trying to choose movies, we got into discussing why Japanese peoples' taste in movies differs so greatly from American tastes. Chika said that most Japanese people don't understand her movies because they're very 'American'. I tried to figure out what that meant...I knew that they were different, but in what ways exactly?
I think that it has to do with identity. American movies focus on so many different '-isms': sexism, racism, classism, etc...Why is that? Because we seek to define ourselves. Hedwig was a perfect example of this. As individuals we plumb what we are not, in order to find what we are. I think that this is inextricably connected to our identity as Americans. We don't have one. We have many. We're allowed to have many. This is one of America's greatest strengths, but this is also why we have so much uncertainty in our lives. We don't know what we're supposed to be, because society tells us we can be anything, that we are everything.
Japanese movies on the other hand, and most Asian movies, tend to be very sentimental, full of drama and emotions and love, etc...Something most Americans find a bit overdone, but which makes sense when you think about how they lack this need to define themselves. Eastern countries have such an extended history, a history that provides so many rules about what people should do and how they should behave. It's something that you have to be here to really experience how fundamental this is to its citizens. Japanese people are JAPANESE. This embodies many things, and I don't mean to say that there aren't some black sheep in the bunch, but when it comes down to it, if you're Japanese, that's what you are. It permeates your individual identity so thoroughly, it doesn't really occur to them that it could be different.
This unconscious awareness is something we sorely lack as Americans. Our nation is so young, by international standards, and we're not a mono-culture. We pride and prize our pluralism, our multi-culturalism, our salad bowl of a country. That's one thing I've learned after living abroad for so long: neither is right or wrong, better or worse, they're simply just...different.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
I say Hello, You say Goodbye: Retroactive Post
Leaving right before the end of the term has thrown my schedule off completely. I'm finally getting back into the swing of things and with that has come the realization that many of my good friends are leaving.
I'm having to make plans to see people before they go, and realizing that they're going to be the last times that I will see them, maybe for years, maybe forever. It's leaving me a bit shell-shocked. Granted, the experience of last year has prepared me a bit more, and I feel genuinely happy for my friends that have decided to move on. I know that they're doing it for so many good reasons and that they feel like they've gotten what they wanted or can out of Japan.
It's interesting when I compare that to my own feelings about this country, this job, this life, and feel completely the opposite. I've decided to stay because of that reason exactly. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get my fill. Well, I've got another year to find out.
I'm having to make plans to see people before they go, and realizing that they're going to be the last times that I will see them, maybe for years, maybe forever. It's leaving me a bit shell-shocked. Granted, the experience of last year has prepared me a bit more, and I feel genuinely happy for my friends that have decided to move on. I know that they're doing it for so many good reasons and that they feel like they've gotten what they wanted or can out of Japan.
It's interesting when I compare that to my own feelings about this country, this job, this life, and feel completely the opposite. I've decided to stay because of that reason exactly. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get my fill. Well, I've got another year to find out.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Summer in the City: Retroactive Post
Wow, I can't believe that I finally get to spend some summertime in the city of my childhood, after deploring how I only get to visit it at the worst time of the year, weather-wise. Unfortunately, I guess I should've checked the weather forecast before I headed out here, since it was cold and showering when I got in a couple of days ago...rain, in Seattle...Go figure. I think what surprised me was less that it was showering, because it's been showering on and off in Shiz for the last month, but that it's COLD here. That and I was coming from Gunma, where, at 5,000ft about sea level, the daytime was clear, blue and quite sunny.
Tonight was the first time I got to go out into the city since I've been back, and of course, who did I go with, but my partner in crime Patrick. We headed over to Bahama Breeze in Southcenter after he got off work in the evening and had a Caribbean dinner of habanero-spiced chicken wings and filet mignon for me and Jerk-rubbed chicken breast for Pat. It was SOOO good to have food that was flavorful, spicy and fruity in a way that you can only find in tropical island cuisine. That and the authentic mojito I had along with dinner was a perfect start to a cool summer evening.
We then drove up to our favorite late-night cafe, the B&O. I've made it a point to stop off there every time I'm in town. This time we had kahlua-spiked mochas and I indulged in some chocolate-y, liquered mousse for dessert. The rest of the time, we spent catching up about what's been going on in each of our lives, and some of the people in them. For me, Travis of course, as well as Luther, JTEs and other ALT friends.
I told Pat that Seattle's best feature and what I love and miss most about it is that, when I go back, it's not like Luther going back to Minnesota: I'm not just met with white people. I go to Seattle and I see, especially coming from southern Seattle, people of all different ethnicities and nationalities. I see people of black, Asian, Latin American, Native American descent, mixed in with all the Caucasians, not to mention all the people that are halfs, quarters, etc... it's great to see so many people of different cultural backgrounds in the same place.
I've forgotten that everywhere is not like Japan. You don't just have a homogenous society in which everyone else that's not Japanese is just a 'gaijin', foreigner. But like I also told Patrick, while I love Seattle still and would love to live here, I don't want to live in America, and unfortunately living in Seattle would constitute living in America, which is something that I'm not prepared to do yet.
Pat and I talked about all the traveling we might be doing over the next year and in the future: him coming out to visit me in Japan; going to the PI with Chris and Char, though later talking about the possibility of going to the UK instead; Huong and him moving out to Spain or somewhere in Europe; Travis and I eventually following suit in France, and maybe at some later stage, going across the Atlantic and checking out life in the Big Apple.
I'm not yet 25, and I know that I have so much more of my life ahead of me, but the thought of cutting my time short in Japan, cutting the life that encourages me to stay young and (maybe a bit irresponsible) un-rooted and free, in turn cuts me to the core.
I think I've realized one thing over the last couple of days that's made me take a look at why I've been so determined to keep my being in town a secret: not only do I not want to get into the details about my dad with people, but I don't want to be place myself in the situation where I'm with people that won't understand me making comparisons between Japan and America, between Shizuoka and Seattle. In some ways, maybe that's why I don't talk to my sister as much over the last couple of visits. Maybe I'm starting to realize that what annoys me about Americans in Japan saying they want certain things in Japan the way that they would get them if they were in America, might be the way that I talk about Japan while I'm here.
I think I'll make more of a point to be quieter about them. Though the big difference is that, I know that if I had a choice I would go back. I'd head back to Japan in a split-second and that's what ultimately makes me different from the people that complain that it's not like that where they're from, but continue to stay.
Tonight was the first time I got to go out into the city since I've been back, and of course, who did I go with, but my partner in crime Patrick. We headed over to Bahama Breeze in Southcenter after he got off work in the evening and had a Caribbean dinner of habanero-spiced chicken wings and filet mignon for me and Jerk-rubbed chicken breast for Pat. It was SOOO good to have food that was flavorful, spicy and fruity in a way that you can only find in tropical island cuisine. That and the authentic mojito I had along with dinner was a perfect start to a cool summer evening.
We then drove up to our favorite late-night cafe, the B&O. I've made it a point to stop off there every time I'm in town. This time we had kahlua-spiked mochas and I indulged in some chocolate-y, liquered mousse for dessert. The rest of the time, we spent catching up about what's been going on in each of our lives, and some of the people in them. For me, Travis of course, as well as Luther, JTEs and other ALT friends.
I told Pat that Seattle's best feature and what I love and miss most about it is that, when I go back, it's not like Luther going back to Minnesota: I'm not just met with white people. I go to Seattle and I see, especially coming from southern Seattle, people of all different ethnicities and nationalities. I see people of black, Asian, Latin American, Native American descent, mixed in with all the Caucasians, not to mention all the people that are halfs, quarters, etc... it's great to see so many people of different cultural backgrounds in the same place.
I've forgotten that everywhere is not like Japan. You don't just have a homogenous society in which everyone else that's not Japanese is just a 'gaijin', foreigner. But like I also told Patrick, while I love Seattle still and would love to live here, I don't want to live in America, and unfortunately living in Seattle would constitute living in America, which is something that I'm not prepared to do yet.
Pat and I talked about all the traveling we might be doing over the next year and in the future: him coming out to visit me in Japan; going to the PI with Chris and Char, though later talking about the possibility of going to the UK instead; Huong and him moving out to Spain or somewhere in Europe; Travis and I eventually following suit in France, and maybe at some later stage, going across the Atlantic and checking out life in the Big Apple.
I'm not yet 25, and I know that I have so much more of my life ahead of me, but the thought of cutting my time short in Japan, cutting the life that encourages me to stay young and (maybe a bit irresponsible) un-rooted and free, in turn cuts me to the core.
I think I've realized one thing over the last couple of days that's made me take a look at why I've been so determined to keep my being in town a secret: not only do I not want to get into the details about my dad with people, but I don't want to be place myself in the situation where I'm with people that won't understand me making comparisons between Japan and America, between Shizuoka and Seattle. In some ways, maybe that's why I don't talk to my sister as much over the last couple of visits. Maybe I'm starting to realize that what annoys me about Americans in Japan saying they want certain things in Japan the way that they would get them if they were in America, might be the way that I talk about Japan while I'm here.
I think I'll make more of a point to be quieter about them. Though the big difference is that, I know that if I had a choice I would go back. I'd head back to Japan in a split-second and that's what ultimately makes me different from the people that complain that it's not like that where they're from, but continue to stay.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Can you walk this way? Talk this way?: Retroactive Post
Over the last couple of days, I've been asked to grade papers for all the English course students. The first years wrote the first drafts of their self-introduction speeches, the second years wrote letters to this woman that they had read about in their textbook and the third years wrote a brief composition in response to whether Japanese people are modest or not. Doing so has given me a better idea of their different English abilities and just the sophistication and growth of thier writing and thoughts.
Another thing that happened yesterday was my main first-year teacher pointed out an observation he had about our English course students. He had expressed concern that their speeches were rather simple, "I was happy." "It was beautiful," but believed that this was simply a result of English being thier second language. However, on the 3 day trip he went with them this week, reading their diaries written in Japanese, the thoughts remained on the same level, thus prompting him to believe that it was rather a lack of writing skills and not language skills. So he wants to work on developing their writing styles this term.
I point this out because it's so different from what the other JTEs seem to be doing with their students; he seems to want to teach them to be learners of English, and not simply learn English. And I'm a bit chagrined to find that he's the one that this is coming from. I feel like it's easy to adapt to the Japanese style of teaching English once you're here, and for him to remind me of that, I feel more inspired to 'rock their worlds.' Today, I really feel like a teacher. It's great. And I'm a bit sad to think about leaving this country and this life.
Another thing that happened yesterday was my main first-year teacher pointed out an observation he had about our English course students. He had expressed concern that their speeches were rather simple, "I was happy." "It was beautiful," but believed that this was simply a result of English being thier second language. However, on the 3 day trip he went with them this week, reading their diaries written in Japanese, the thoughts remained on the same level, thus prompting him to believe that it was rather a lack of writing skills and not language skills. So he wants to work on developing their writing styles this term.
I point this out because it's so different from what the other JTEs seem to be doing with their students; he seems to want to teach them to be learners of English, and not simply learn English. And I'm a bit chagrined to find that he's the one that this is coming from. I feel like it's easy to adapt to the Japanese style of teaching English once you're here, and for him to remind me of that, I feel more inspired to 'rock their worlds.' Today, I really feel like a teacher. It's great. And I'm a bit sad to think about leaving this country and this life.
Facebook: Retroactive Post
This year is now, officially, the Facebook Year. And yes, while I know that it can be sometimes inane and annoying, the last 7 or 8 months that I've been on it have allowed me to keep in contact with people that I likely wouldn't have, and to restore it with people with whom I've lost touch. I've reconnected with one friend whom I haven't spoken to for nearly a decade, and another for about half of that. Not only that, but it has genuinely allowed me to make new friends, something which myspace severely lacks, due to the number of guys that use it as a dating trough. Hard to believe that we once used to live in a world without Facebook. And at least today, I'm glad it's around.
The Way of Tea: Retroactive Post
A few weeks ago, my sado-bu teacher gave me this book and I just started reading it the other day.
The Book of Tea
It's DEEP, in the way that I remember Albert talking about other writings on Asian practices, like Buddhism or Kung Fu. I think I'm finally getting to the point where I'm getting past the superficial layers of this 'hobby' and really getting to the meat of it. It's enlightening and moving in a way that I have found lacking in religion or other spiritual writings.
I certainly don't want to be one of the New Age-y generation that comes from America and falls into "Asia" and takes up tai chi and becomes Buddhist or whatever, but I can see the draw. Living here does change you, in ways more subtle than you realize, and I think that I am certainly the better for it.
It's a tiny book, and one can easily finish it in an hour of reading, but another thing I've learned while in Japan is the value of 'slow' and doing things slowly. This is just the type of thing that deserves to be read and enjoyed and digested (mentally), slowly; that is better for having done so.
The Book of Tea
It's DEEP, in the way that I remember Albert talking about other writings on Asian practices, like Buddhism or Kung Fu. I think I'm finally getting to the point where I'm getting past the superficial layers of this 'hobby' and really getting to the meat of it. It's enlightening and moving in a way that I have found lacking in religion or other spiritual writings.
I certainly don't want to be one of the New Age-y generation that comes from America and falls into "Asia" and takes up tai chi and becomes Buddhist or whatever, but I can see the draw. Living here does change you, in ways more subtle than you realize, and I think that I am certainly the better for it.
It's a tiny book, and one can easily finish it in an hour of reading, but another thing I've learned while in Japan is the value of 'slow' and doing things slowly. This is just the type of thing that deserves to be read and enjoyed and digested (mentally), slowly; that is better for having done so.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Done, Done, and Done!: Retroactive Post
So, in case you didn't know, this last weekend (yesterday to be specific), I went PARA-GLIDING!
It was honestly one of the most memorable experiences of my life. I think I liked it better than sky-diving because, while you get more of a rush from the latter, the former really allows you the time to appreciate that you are in the air.
I have been wanting to go out on Asagiri Kogen, this plain on Mt. Fuji for a while, but it would've been too difficult for my friends from Hama to get there, so instead I went over to their side and stayed at a new friend's for the weekend. The place we went to was super-small, so we had to break up our group of 6 girls into 3 one day, and 3 the next. Of the girls that went the first day, only one of them managed to get airborne, since the wind was so weak, and one of them chickened out.
My friend and I opted to go together on Sunday, and our third also ended up not being able to go, so it was just the two of us. We were worried that the wind wouldn't be any good and that we had just wasted our time, but after waiting for a sole paraglider to arrive, we were on our bumpy way up the mountain.We climb up the last 30 feet to the launch area and two of them start getting into their jumpsuits and setting out a parachute.
One of the guys comes up to us and asks us who's going first. My friend offers me the first go. I decide even though I'm starting to freak out, I'm going to suck it up and do it, so I consent. He plops a harness and helmet on me, and then proceeds to tell me that we're going to strap in, run down the mountain, and then get airborne at a certain spot. That was when it started to sink in that I was going to do it. My heart started racing.
The guy who was going it alone went first. He strapped in, faced upwards toward the mountain, ran backwards a bit and then quickly flipped around and then all of a sudden, was in the air. It surprised me how easily it happened. I also wondered how we were going to do the same maneuver with two people, since just running down the mountain strapped to someone else seemed complicated enough, much less having to turn around quickly.
However, they started to lay out our parachute (much bigger for a tandem flight) and then we were soon buckled in and facing down the mountain. The other guy stood in front of us, face to face with me, and he was the one that ran down the mountain backwards, making sure that the parachute caught the wind, and then got out of the way while we continued to run down the yama for a few more feet. And as easily as it looked watching the other guy, the solid ground fell away from our feet to be replaced by nothing other than air.
It was breath-taking and all I could do was stare in wonder all around me. I don't think it hit me until I saw birds flying past and I realized that I have never, ever experienced anything like it in the world. We were up at apparently 800 meters, and in the air for 20 or 30 minutes. We landed down at the landing site, but as I was trying to un-strap myself, we were suddenly pulled backward and rolling on the ground. I didn't know what happened, until we stopped getting pulled back and I realized that the wind had caught the parachute and dragged us backward. Still, I didn't get too roughed up.
I'm really glad that I went first. I'm proud of the fact that I didn't get too scared about doing it. My only hesitation about doing it again is that I got really motion-sick after a while in the air. But I am still thinking about going up on Fuji-san later this spring.
Even if I don't, it's still another thing to cross off of my list of crazy things to do and try before I die. I've been doing a pretty good job of racking things up in recent years: sky-diving for my 21st, white-water rafting twice, eating tons of unusual food, including horse sashimi and blow-fish. I'm hopefully going to add some food-related things like eating fried grasshoppers and raw baby octopus with the tentacles still functioning while I'm in Korea next week. And now I know what I'm doing for my 30th birthday: HALO jumping (ie High-Altitude Sky-diving). I know sounds crazy, but what the hell right? I've only got one life, so I might as well make it worth it.
It was honestly one of the most memorable experiences of my life. I think I liked it better than sky-diving because, while you get more of a rush from the latter, the former really allows you the time to appreciate that you are in the air.
I have been wanting to go out on Asagiri Kogen, this plain on Mt. Fuji for a while, but it would've been too difficult for my friends from Hama to get there, so instead I went over to their side and stayed at a new friend's for the weekend. The place we went to was super-small, so we had to break up our group of 6 girls into 3 one day, and 3 the next. Of the girls that went the first day, only one of them managed to get airborne, since the wind was so weak, and one of them chickened out.
My friend and I opted to go together on Sunday, and our third also ended up not being able to go, so it was just the two of us. We were worried that the wind wouldn't be any good and that we had just wasted our time, but after waiting for a sole paraglider to arrive, we were on our bumpy way up the mountain.We climb up the last 30 feet to the launch area and two of them start getting into their jumpsuits and setting out a parachute.
One of the guys comes up to us and asks us who's going first. My friend offers me the first go. I decide even though I'm starting to freak out, I'm going to suck it up and do it, so I consent. He plops a harness and helmet on me, and then proceeds to tell me that we're going to strap in, run down the mountain, and then get airborne at a certain spot. That was when it started to sink in that I was going to do it. My heart started racing.
The guy who was going it alone went first. He strapped in, faced upwards toward the mountain, ran backwards a bit and then quickly flipped around and then all of a sudden, was in the air. It surprised me how easily it happened. I also wondered how we were going to do the same maneuver with two people, since just running down the mountain strapped to someone else seemed complicated enough, much less having to turn around quickly.
However, they started to lay out our parachute (much bigger for a tandem flight) and then we were soon buckled in and facing down the mountain. The other guy stood in front of us, face to face with me, and he was the one that ran down the mountain backwards, making sure that the parachute caught the wind, and then got out of the way while we continued to run down the yama for a few more feet. And as easily as it looked watching the other guy, the solid ground fell away from our feet to be replaced by nothing other than air.
It was breath-taking and all I could do was stare in wonder all around me. I don't think it hit me until I saw birds flying past and I realized that I have never, ever experienced anything like it in the world. We were up at apparently 800 meters, and in the air for 20 or 30 minutes. We landed down at the landing site, but as I was trying to un-strap myself, we were suddenly pulled backward and rolling on the ground. I didn't know what happened, until we stopped getting pulled back and I realized that the wind had caught the parachute and dragged us backward. Still, I didn't get too roughed up.
I'm really glad that I went first. I'm proud of the fact that I didn't get too scared about doing it. My only hesitation about doing it again is that I got really motion-sick after a while in the air. But I am still thinking about going up on Fuji-san later this spring.
Even if I don't, it's still another thing to cross off of my list of crazy things to do and try before I die. I've been doing a pretty good job of racking things up in recent years: sky-diving for my 21st, white-water rafting twice, eating tons of unusual food, including horse sashimi and blow-fish. I'm hopefully going to add some food-related things like eating fried grasshoppers and raw baby octopus with the tentacles still functioning while I'm in Korea next week. And now I know what I'm doing for my 30th birthday: HALO jumping (ie High-Altitude Sky-diving). I know sounds crazy, but what the hell right? I've only got one life, so I might as well make it worth it.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Mid-Winter Blues: Retroactive Post
Maybe it's something about the snow, or the cold, or wanting to stay in and revel in the warmth...but winter, a real winter, seems to bring out an overwhelming sense of nostalgia and the need to reminisce, and of course following that line of thinking in time and inevitably wondering about the future. Leaving Sapporo yesterday morning, I was struck by that sense of natsukashii (nostalgia) as we made our way via train of course, from Sapporo station to Chitose airport. Looking out over land, trees, houses, cars, everything until the horizon, covered in snow, I couldn't help but remember the only other time in my life when I spent a winter like that.
It was when I was interning at the legislature and living down in Olympia. It was my first time living away from my family, and I was renting a room out of this woman's house, along with two other UW Asian girls, Sunny and Mary. Our landlady was awesome, our rent was really cheap and she pretty much let us have the run of the house. Sunny and Mary were great roommates, we got along on pretty much everything including a requisite love of good cheese, though they did force me from the kitchen the mornings that they made their tuna-fish sandwiches...
My family helped me move my stuff down earlier in the day, and then Sunny arrived in the afternoon. We had a fun time trekking to the capitol in our landlady's sons' old-school snow pants, as we were petite Asian girls and they were tall, tall boys. Mary arrived the next day and by then, there was lots of snow already on the ground. I remember our mornings checking how our outfits looked with one another and trading clothes or shoes when necessary. I also remember staying up late into the night with them making frosting and cookies from scratch to make heart-shaped cookie sandwiches to give out to people all over the campus for Valentine's Day.
I miss them and I miss that time in my life and this then led me to thinking about other people that I miss. Staying up with the girls to make cookies reminds me of staying up with Albert one night to make lumpia or something for one of our classes last year. And trekking to the capitol reminds me of trekking with him over the bridge to Fuji city in the middle of a winter night and getting midnight ramen. Traveling with Travis made me miss traveling with Sean-kun and his seemingly endless knowledge of Japanese festivals and souvenirs. Walking around Akihabara and going to Mexican for dinner last night reminded me of doing the same thing with Sean, nearly a year ago. Some bands were playing music up on one of the giant snow sculpture stages in Odori Park, and two of them sang songs that Brian from Hawaii used to sing at karaoke.
Remembering all these people that have gone before, and realizing that I'll have to say goodbye to even more this summer is beginning to be really hard. The people that I hang out with most frequently, Rebecca, Pin and the Shimiz crew, Louise, Amir and the Numazu peeps, are all going. Even Travis is still unsure about whether he's going to be here for another year, and if he is, where he'll be and what that might mean for us. He could move even farther away than he already is. He could stay and maybe miserable for another year and the continuous long-distance travel could start to put a strain on our relationship.
But, I decided to re-contract knowing that all of that might be a possibility, that our relationship could end depending on our separate decisions. And I guess that's what it all comes down to and what Pin had to remind me of after Albert and Sean left: They made the decision to go back for their own reasons and ultimately they're happier, and as their friend, I should be happy for them. So, I'll gaman and try, though I can't promise I won't shed a few tears along the way.
The one silver lining in all of this, well apart from getting to live in Japan for one more year and seeing my 15HR graduate, is that if all of my gaijin friends leave, I'll probably hang out with my Japanese friends more and hopefully improve my Japanese. So we'll see.
It was when I was interning at the legislature and living down in Olympia. It was my first time living away from my family, and I was renting a room out of this woman's house, along with two other UW Asian girls, Sunny and Mary. Our landlady was awesome, our rent was really cheap and she pretty much let us have the run of the house. Sunny and Mary were great roommates, we got along on pretty much everything including a requisite love of good cheese, though they did force me from the kitchen the mornings that they made their tuna-fish sandwiches...
My family helped me move my stuff down earlier in the day, and then Sunny arrived in the afternoon. We had a fun time trekking to the capitol in our landlady's sons' old-school snow pants, as we were petite Asian girls and they were tall, tall boys. Mary arrived the next day and by then, there was lots of snow already on the ground. I remember our mornings checking how our outfits looked with one another and trading clothes or shoes when necessary. I also remember staying up late into the night with them making frosting and cookies from scratch to make heart-shaped cookie sandwiches to give out to people all over the campus for Valentine's Day.
I miss them and I miss that time in my life and this then led me to thinking about other people that I miss. Staying up with the girls to make cookies reminds me of staying up with Albert one night to make lumpia or something for one of our classes last year. And trekking to the capitol reminds me of trekking with him over the bridge to Fuji city in the middle of a winter night and getting midnight ramen. Traveling with Travis made me miss traveling with Sean-kun and his seemingly endless knowledge of Japanese festivals and souvenirs. Walking around Akihabara and going to Mexican for dinner last night reminded me of doing the same thing with Sean, nearly a year ago. Some bands were playing music up on one of the giant snow sculpture stages in Odori Park, and two of them sang songs that Brian from Hawaii used to sing at karaoke.
Remembering all these people that have gone before, and realizing that I'll have to say goodbye to even more this summer is beginning to be really hard. The people that I hang out with most frequently, Rebecca, Pin and the Shimiz crew, Louise, Amir and the Numazu peeps, are all going. Even Travis is still unsure about whether he's going to be here for another year, and if he is, where he'll be and what that might mean for us. He could move even farther away than he already is. He could stay and maybe miserable for another year and the continuous long-distance travel could start to put a strain on our relationship.
But, I decided to re-contract knowing that all of that might be a possibility, that our relationship could end depending on our separate decisions. And I guess that's what it all comes down to and what Pin had to remind me of after Albert and Sean left: They made the decision to go back for their own reasons and ultimately they're happier, and as their friend, I should be happy for them. So, I'll gaman and try, though I can't promise I won't shed a few tears along the way.
The one silver lining in all of this, well apart from getting to live in Japan for one more year and seeing my 15HR graduate, is that if all of my gaijin friends leave, I'll probably hang out with my Japanese friends more and hopefully improve my Japanese. So we'll see.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Staying in Japan: Retroactive Post
All right all you good peeps,
I'm staying in Japan for another year. But only one more. Which means that you have between now and August 2009 to get out here if you want to visit me, see what my life is like and how crazy Japan is. All are definitely welcome, and starting April this year, I'll have an extra room for any visitors. So, give it some thought, save up some cash for the plane ticket, and let me know where and when you want to go, and I'll work on it from my end.
Hope you're well, wherever in this crazy world you are.
Much love,
Sarah-chan
I'm staying in Japan for another year. But only one more. Which means that you have between now and August 2009 to get out here if you want to visit me, see what my life is like and how crazy Japan is. All are definitely welcome, and starting April this year, I'll have an extra room for any visitors. So, give it some thought, save up some cash for the plane ticket, and let me know where and when you want to go, and I'll work on it from my end.
Hope you're well, wherever in this crazy world you are.
Much love,
Sarah-chan
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