Something to be said for the little things

Funny how little things can change your mood so thoroughly.

I woke up @10:30 after going to bed @6am that morning, dreading the planning I'd need to do for 25HR's final exam as well as English summer camp prep and finally grading the journal entries for my regular ninensei students. My mood was not helped by feeling guilty and ill-prepared for my violin lesson that afternoon, since I hadn't practiced at all the past week, and my intention to hang out my laundry was foiled by the rain that comes on like tap water in the summer months.

However, I was determined to get some practice in and to do my best during my lesson so that my teacher wasn't so disappointed in me. Somehow though, things quickly turned around. At first, I told her that I was having trouble with stacatto, a method of applying pressure on the bow at the beginning of the bowstroke and then releasing it for the remainder of the stroke. She observed, pointed out that I was putting too much pressure and corrected my technique. I quickly got the hang of it and she praised me, saying, Wow, you must've practiced a lot! (^_^;) but still, it was good. Then she showed me the new measure (my homework for the week) to develop rhythm and let me try it out. I tried to mimic her and again quickly got the hang of it, which prompted her to praise me for being a quick study! So we left it at that, once again feeling like, I CAN do this, all I need is practice and I'll be able to play.

After that, I headed back down to the basement of Parco to buy a couple snack items, since something in the deli caught my eye as I was walking to the elevator on the way to my lesson. At first, I saw that what had originally looked tasty was really just a Japanese-style beef stew, but I spied some marinated olives that I thought would be a yummy snack either tonight or tomorrow for lunch. I intended a quick walk-through just to see what else they had in the way of foreign foods since I'm well-versed in what Kaldi at the station has in stock.

I was pleasantly surprised to find white balsamic vinegar and herbes des Provençe vinegar and went back for a basket when I realized I might need one...It kind of went downhill from there, but in a good way. A very good way. I picked up some truffle oil and truffle pate, and then found the cheese corner where they were having a small sale. The cheese lady offered me a taste of one of the cheeses when she saw that I was scoping it out. It was good, but a bit like cream cheese with herbs (suitable for the Japanese palate since they don't like strong cheeses), but a bit weak for me. I continued to look some more and she kept offering me samples of them. I finally gathered the courage to ask her which one might be good with the Chablis I bought the other night, and she tried to help me. I'm not sure that she was that knowledgeable about cheese-wine pairings, but she was still really nice and friendly so I bought some cheese and said that I'd probably stop by again in the future.

After that, I was going to call it quits when I thought I glimpsed red globes of radishes in the produce aisle. Radishes, thanks to the French and blog writers, have become my new addiction, and I only had three left in my fridge, so I thought I'd pick some up. Again, it turned out that my far-sight was wrong and they were only cherry tomatoes, BUT above them was a GIANT zucchini and a more normal-sized summer squash. I had to have both. I rounded off my impromptu grocery shopping with a super-long baguette (a real one, not one of the Italian loafs that they pass off for them in my normal grocery store) from the bakery and left for the eki. It was then that I realized, many girls tend to medicate themselves with retail therapy after feeling down, and that while I do like to shop, for me buying good, quality food trumps all the stylish clothes in the world.



The icing on the cake was that, as I got to the station, I got a peep at the outside sky and whereas I had gone into Parco amidst grey clouds cloaking everything in their perpetual dreariness and threatening to drop more moisture from the air, the skies had almost magically turned clear and bright blue. Absolutely lovely, and suited my lifted spirits.

Bonne Anniversaire...

...to me. Haha, no to Japan.

I was looking through some of my old blog posts a couple of nights ago when I saw the one titled 'Sayonara Seattle.' I got a bit of a shock when I looked at the post date: March 3, 2006. Three years ago to the day. I wrote it while sitting on the plane to Nagoya.

It was the first time I'd flown abroad since my family immigrated to the US, and only my second time flying alone. I was anxious and excited and a bit worried, but I didn't need to be. I fell in love with the city and the country. Obviously, it's why I find myself still here 3 years later.

It's a strange thing though, recalling that time. Before I came to Japan, it was as if it didn't exist. It was simply a name, a series of images and sounds. Obviously I know it existed, but it was as if it wasn't a real place (for me) until I touched down. Now, it's real in a very tangible way and I find myself looking forward to all those countries I want to visit/live in in the future. All of those visions waiting to be realized.

So, a toast:
To dreaming...

Callused, but not Callous

A number of weeks ago, I noticed a callus on the palm of my hand, below my pinky finger. I hadn't been doing a lot of undue exercise or hanging off of bars or cleaning my house, so I wondered what it was from. It was strange since it was only on my right hand, not on my left. Several weeks later, I was riding my bike home from work and I realized what caused it. It was from holding onto my bike's handlebars. The reason it was only on my right was because I hold the right handlebar differently, in order to hover over the front brake lever.

Such a tiny thing, why even bring it up? Because in this tiny piece of hardened skin, is my life in Japan. It is something that has developed over days, weeks, months of riding that bike: to school, to the station, to the supermarket. It only exists because I've spent the last 2 and half years here.

Last night, while I stopped at McDonald's (yes, I know, it's horrible) for a quick snack, the theme song of Rent was playing inside MegaMart. One verse goes, “525, 600 minutes- how do you measure, measure a year?” I thought about that, and thought of my callus.

Time: seconds, minutes, years, these are all abstract concepts. Terms that we apply to describe the passing of time. But isn't my callus more of a testament to the seasons than all the terminology we toss about? It represents a physical change in me, something that at least attests to the greater mental and emotional change wrought in myself after spending so long out of the states, away from home. Long enough that I've created another.

Part of my captivation with this callus is that I'm on the verge of going back to that previous home, yet again. It will be the fourth time I've returned, my third Christmas...in Seattle. I hesitated for a minute there because I wanted to say, my third Christmas abroad, but then I realized, Japan is the 'abroad' and that Seattle, America, is supposed to be my home. Is it any longer? I don't feel like it is. I'm excited to go, to see my family, my friends, but I view it as a place I'm going to for 'vacation', not a place that I live anymore.

Yesterday I chatted with my friend Ray on gmail and recommended a Japanese movie that I thought he might like. Pin showed it to me and joked that the title sounded more appropriate for a porno than an anime, “Byosoku go senchimetoru” or 5 Centimeters per Second. Rather, it refers to the speed at which cherry blossoms are said to fall. It is about one boy and his relationships, particularly his first love, and the distance that separates them.

The stories are rather sad, but what we both liked about them was again, something little. They would cut these shots of Japanese things into the scenes. Normal things, like the handles hanging from the roof of a train car, or slippers at a genkan. My favorite one was this shot of a washing machine. It was just completing a load, but it struck me how familiar it was, from its looks to its whirring noise and the beeps it made. So completely mundane. Yet, if I only lived in Seattle, I probably would have no clue what that shot was of, and then promptly dismissed it from my thoughts. Instead, it helped create a fuller, more real picture of these characters lives. Life in Japan. A life that I share more and more.

My Make-Believe Roommate

So I have a friend named Pin, likely the only Pin I will ever meet or know in my life.

I met him about 2 years ago in Shimizu, while I was at the Docomo store with Albert trying to get my keitai (cell phone). For the first year and a half, our relationship mainly consisted of hanging out and seeing each other through various friends with whom we were closer. Prompted by his transferring to Fujinomiya to take over for another friend who was returning to the states, we began getting dinners together in Kambara, which was on his way home from school.

Since then, we have dinner together at least once a week, freely stay at one another's apartments, both with and without the other one present, and text one another on a near daily basis. It is a rare, and slightly unsettling, week when we don't see one another.

It has taken a while, but he's opened up to me a lot. Not necessarily about everything, but I don't expect that. I've long since realized that he is rather stoic, despite also being acutely sensitive. I'm used to laying things all out there, but I know that when he doesn't, it's not a reflection on me, just that he feels there are some things that need to be said, and others that don't.

We've half-joked about becoming roommates...Lately, as he's considering the possibility of staying in Japan for another year, he's taken to checking out 'perfect apartments' for us. Main requirements being: good location, big kitchen (since we both like to cook and EAT), bedrooms on opposite ends (so that we can 'bang for days without the other one knowing'), and enough space to entertain friends. He even texted me the other day about what a typical Sunday might consist of.

Gee, starting to sound like he's either my gay friend or my boyfriend. Fortunately, or unfortunately, he's neither. I guess it's enough that he's one of my adopted older brothers. Someone that I know I can count on to go out for a drink or to buy me one when I need it.

Natsukashii: Retroactive Post

I've forgotten what leaving school at 2:15 feels like. It's been years since I've had a dismissal at such a time: college classes and work usually begin on the hour or the half, and even when I take time off, it's usually right after lunch, not for just a couple of hours. Today, I didn't really have a choice. I had to use up my hours of daikyu from summer business trips.

Maybe some of that high school exuberance filtered through to me. Maybe it was reading Pin and Bob's blogs all day that reminded me of how much I love people who love food. Especially ones that share my Asian-American immigrant experience. I point that out because I feel like our cultural past is so much more present, so much more tangible in our food memories. Maybe I'm making that out to be more than it is. For now, I'm making the most of these extra daylight hours.

Space and Perspective: Retroactive Post

I began our break thinking: This is about giving him time to see if he can commit to me, and that maybe we need this because we need to do something different. Haven't we spent enough time thinking, talking, waiting? Maybe action is what we need. After all, it's been a year since he first got here.

Then my thoughts became: Oh god, three months is a long time. What if he finds someone new? What if he was right and this really is the end? despite my natural optimism that if we're really meant to be, if we're really as good for each other as I think we are, it will work out and we WILL be together.

Which led to: I miss him. I don't want to do this. I can't do this for three months. This sucks, and I can't think of anything else except for him and how I'm not going to have any of those moments with him for a long time.

After emails of articles that I probably shouldn't have sent, for the simple reason that I had to question my intentions for doing so (something which he later called me on), and him contacting me online after days spent hoping/dreading that I would see him, I sent out an SOS to my friend Vandy.

Talking with her finally made me realize that this break is really about him and completely changed my perspective about it. I am finally okay with giving him space because I'm seeing him like a friend for the first time. I really do care about him, maybe even love him, but because of that I can let him go, for his own good.

I've underestimated how much living in Japan has taken its toll on him. All of my efforts have served to do the opposite of what I intended. I know that he hasn't wanted to treat me like a crutch, he is really independent and for all that I offer to help, it doesn't. Because that's not what he needs.

He just needs to know that I'm here for him if he needs me, but not to press it on him. That was what he meant about wanting me to sit there, or hold him and not say anything. All of his energy has gone into dealing with Japan, and he doesn't have anything left for me, which is why he hasn't been able to give me more, why he thinks that he CAN'T give me more.

I've realized that this all has more to do with him and Japan and not me, not us. It's not US that's the problem: it's US in JAPAN. He's tried to tell me that, but I haven't been able to understand, or maybe I've just thought that he hasn't had the balls to tell me he doesn't really want to be with me, that he's just been using Japan as an excuse.

Which is why, I've come to the point that even if he doesn't want to be with me in three months, if he really can't, I'm all right with that. I want him to be happy, I want to give him the time and the space to really develop a life here, one that he's happy with, one that doesn't frustrate him because he feels more like a child and instead of an adult.

Maybe that's the resentment that I've been sensing. It's resentment, as if my help is more like condescension. Vandy said that maybe we both need to learn from one another, to learn how to deal with solving problems in a different way, and that maybe he needs to learn a little from me about talking about them, and I need to learn a little from him about being more patient.

So on that note, I think I'm ready. Ready to wait, to REALLY wait for him, because I think he's worth it. I just hope that he realizes that he is too.

America’s Angry Inch: Retroactive Post

Prompted by my visit to Chika's home in Tsushima for the first time this weekend, I had a revelation about yet another difference between Japanese and American culture. It started like this (it started like that, it started with a wiffle ball bat, so....no, j/k).

Actually, Chika first showed me her short films from when she was in the US. It's really inspiring to see a friend sharing their talent with you. I hope to see more of her work someday, when she gets back to it. One in particular stuck with me: her final film titled 'the diary'. It was about a boy whom you're led to think is crazy since he believes in a Pink-cloud Monster and an ominous Black Cloud that takes away his love. In the end however, he takes control of his life and decides that it is what he wants it to be, that he is the person that he chooses to be and is re-united with his beloved.

After this, Chika put on Hedwig and the Angry Inch, a movie that I've seen parts of when I was younger and that I've known about since childhood, but haven't ever watched. It was surprisingly one of the most entertaining movies I've seen in a while. Basically, it's about an East German tansgender rock star and her trials in love.

Later in the evening, we got back from the Tsushima matsuri and headed to Tsutaya for a couple of movies. While trying to choose movies, we got into discussing why Japanese peoples' taste in movies differs so greatly from American tastes. Chika said that most Japanese people don't understand her movies because they're very 'American'. I tried to figure out what that meant...I knew that they were different, but in what ways exactly?

I think that it has to do with identity. American movies focus on so many different '-isms': sexism, racism, classism, etc...Why is that? Because we seek to define ourselves. Hedwig was a perfect example of this. As individuals we plumb what we are not, in order to find what we are. I think that this is inextricably connected to our identity as Americans. We don't have one. We have many. We're allowed to have many. This is one of America's greatest strengths, but this is also why we have so much uncertainty in our lives. We don't know what we're supposed to be, because society tells us we can be anything, that we are everything.

Japanese movies on the other hand, and most Asian movies, tend to be very sentimental, full of drama and emotions and love, etc...Something most Americans find a bit overdone, but which makes sense when you think about how they lack this need to define themselves. Eastern countries have such an extended history, a history that provides so many rules about what people should do and how they should behave. It's something that you have to be here to really experience how fundamental this is to its citizens. Japanese people are JAPANESE. This embodies many things, and I don't mean to say that there aren't some black sheep in the bunch, but when it comes down to it, if you're Japanese, that's what you are. It permeates your individual identity so thoroughly, it doesn't really occur to them that it could be different.

This unconscious awareness is something we sorely lack as Americans. Our nation is so young, by international standards, and we're not a mono-culture. We pride and prize our pluralism, our multi-culturalism, our salad bowl of a country. That's one thing I've learned after living abroad for so long: neither is right or wrong, better or worse, they're simply just...different.

I say Hello, You say Goodbye: Retroactive Post

Leaving right before the end of the term has thrown my schedule off completely. I'm finally getting back into the swing of things and with that has come the realization that many of my good friends are leaving.

I'm having to make plans to see people before they go, and realizing that they're going to be the last times that I will see them, maybe for years, maybe forever. It's leaving me a bit shell-shocked. Granted, the experience of last year has prepared me a bit more, and I feel genuinely happy for my friends that have decided to move on. I know that they're doing it for so many good reasons and that they feel like they've gotten what they wanted or can out of Japan.

It's interesting when I compare that to my own feelings about this country, this job, this life, and feel completely the opposite. I've decided to stay because of that reason exactly. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get my fill. Well, I've got another year to find out.

The Way of Tea: Retroactive Post

A few weeks ago, my sado-bu teacher gave me this book and I just started reading it the other day.

The Book of Tea

It's DEEP, in the way that I remember Albert talking about other writings on Asian practices, like Buddhism or Kung Fu. I think I'm finally getting to the point where I'm getting past the superficial layers of this 'hobby' and really getting to the meat of it. It's enlightening and moving in a way that I have found lacking in religion or other spiritual writings.

I certainly don't want to be one of the New Age-y generation that comes from America and falls into "Asia" and takes up tai chi and becomes Buddhist or whatever, but I can see the draw. Living here does change you, in ways more subtle than you realize, and I think that I am certainly the better for it.

It's a tiny book, and one can easily finish it in an hour of reading, but another thing I've learned while in Japan is the value of 'slow' and doing things slowly. This is just the type of thing that deserves to be read and enjoyed and digested (mentally), slowly; that is better for having done so.

Done, Done, and Done!: Retroactive Post

So, in case you didn't know, this last weekend (yesterday to be specific), I went PARA-GLIDING!

It was honestly one of the most memorable experiences of my life. I think I liked it better than sky-diving because, while you get more of a rush from the latter, the former really allows you the time to appreciate that you are in the air.

I have been wanting to go out on Asagiri Kogen, this plain on Mt. Fuji for a while, but it would've been too difficult for my friends from Hama to get there, so instead I went over to their side and stayed at a new friend's for the weekend. The place we went to was super-small, so we had to break up our group of 6 girls into 3 one day, and 3 the next. Of the girls that went the first day, only one of them managed to get airborne, since the wind was so weak, and one of them chickened out.

My friend and I opted to go together on Sunday, and our third also ended up not being able to go, so it was just the two of us. We were worried that the wind wouldn't be any good and that we had just wasted our time, but after waiting for a sole paraglider to arrive, we were on our bumpy way up the mountain.We climb up the last 30 feet to the launch area and two of them start getting into their jumpsuits and setting out a parachute.

One of the guys comes up to us and asks us who's going first. My friend offers me the first go. I decide even though I'm starting to freak out, I'm going to suck it up and do it, so I consent. He plops a harness and helmet on me, and then proceeds to tell me that we're going to strap in, run down the mountain, and then get airborne at a certain spot. That was when it started to sink in that I was going to do it. My heart started racing.

The guy who was going it alone went first. He strapped in, faced upwards toward the mountain, ran backwards a bit and then quickly flipped around and then all of a sudden, was in the air. It surprised me how easily it happened. I also wondered how we were going to do the same maneuver with two people, since just running down the mountain strapped to someone else seemed complicated enough, much less having to turn around quickly.

However, they started to lay out our parachute (much bigger for a tandem flight) and then we were soon buckled in and facing down the mountain. The other guy stood in front of us, face to face with me, and he was the one that ran down the mountain backwards, making sure that the parachute caught the wind, and then got out of the way while we continued to run down the yama for a few more feet. And as easily as it looked watching the other guy, the solid ground fell away from our feet to be replaced by nothing other than air.

It was breath-taking and all I could do was stare in wonder all around me. I don't think it hit me until I saw birds flying past and I realized that I have never, ever experienced anything like it in the world. We were up at apparently 800 meters, and in the air for 20 or 30 minutes. We landed down at the landing site, but as I was trying to un-strap myself, we were suddenly pulled backward and rolling on the ground. I didn't know what happened, until we stopped getting pulled back and I realized that the wind had caught the parachute and dragged us backward. Still, I didn't get too roughed up.

I'm really glad that I went first. I'm proud of the fact that I didn't get too scared about doing it. My only hesitation about doing it again is that I got really motion-sick after a while in the air. But I am still thinking about going up on Fuji-san later this spring.

Even if I don't, it's still another thing to cross off of my list of crazy things to do and try before I die. I've been doing a pretty good job of racking things up in recent years: sky-diving for my 21st, white-water rafting twice, eating tons of unusual food, including horse sashimi and blow-fish. I'm hopefully going to add some food-related things like eating fried grasshoppers and raw baby octopus with the tentacles still functioning while I'm in Korea next week. And now I know what I'm doing for my 30th birthday: HALO jumping (ie High-Altitude Sky-diving). I know sounds crazy, but what the hell right? I've only got one life, so I might as well make it worth it.

Mid-Winter Blues: Retroactive Post

Maybe it's something about the snow, or the cold, or wanting to stay in and revel in the warmth...but winter, a real winter, seems to bring out an overwhelming sense of nostalgia and the need to reminisce, and of course following that line of thinking in time and inevitably wondering about the future. Leaving Sapporo yesterday morning, I was struck by that sense of natsukashii (nostalgia) as we made our way via train of course, from Sapporo station to Chitose airport. Looking out over land, trees, houses, cars, everything until the horizon, covered in snow, I couldn't help but remember the only other time in my life when I spent a winter like that.

It was when I was interning at the legislature and living down in Olympia. It was my first time living away from my family, and I was renting a room out of this woman's house, along with two other UW Asian girls, Sunny and Mary. Our landlady was awesome, our rent was really cheap and she pretty much let us have the run of the house. Sunny and Mary were great roommates, we got along on pretty much everything including a requisite love of good cheese, though they did force me from the kitchen the mornings that they made their tuna-fish sandwiches...

My family helped me move my stuff down earlier in the day, and then Sunny arrived in the afternoon. We had a fun time trekking to the capitol in our landlady's sons' old-school snow pants, as we were petite Asian girls and they were tall, tall boys. Mary arrived the next day and by then, there was lots of snow already on the ground. I remember our mornings checking how our outfits looked with one another and trading clothes or shoes when necessary. I also remember staying up late into the night with them making frosting and cookies from scratch to make heart-shaped cookie sandwiches to give out to people all over the campus for Valentine's Day.

I miss them and I miss that time in my life and this then led me to thinking about other people that I miss. Staying up with the girls to make cookies reminds me of staying up with Albert one night to make lumpia or something for one of our classes last year. And trekking to the capitol reminds me of trekking with him over the bridge to Fuji city in the middle of a winter night and getting midnight ramen. Traveling with Travis made me miss traveling with Sean-kun and his seemingly endless knowledge of Japanese festivals and souvenirs. Walking around Akihabara and going to Mexican for dinner last night reminded me of doing the same thing with Sean, nearly a year ago. Some bands were playing music up on one of the giant snow sculpture stages in Odori Park, and two of them sang songs that Brian from Hawaii used to sing at karaoke.

Remembering all these people that have gone before, and realizing that I'll have to say goodbye to even more this summer is beginning to be really hard. The people that I hang out with most frequently, Rebecca, Pin and the Shimiz crew, Louise, Amir and the Numazu peeps, are all going. Even Travis is still unsure about whether he's going to be here for another year, and if he is, where he'll be and what that might mean for us. He could move even farther away than he already is. He could stay and maybe miserable for another year and the continuous long-distance travel could start to put a strain on our relationship.

But, I decided to re-contract knowing that all of that might be a possibility, that our relationship could end depending on our separate decisions. And I guess that's what it all comes down to and what Pin had to remind me of after Albert and Sean left: They made the decision to go back for their own reasons and ultimately they're happier, and as their friend, I should be happy for them. So, I'll gaman and try, though I can't promise I won't shed a few tears along the way.

The one silver lining in all of this, well apart from getting to live in Japan for one more year and seeing my 15HR graduate, is that if all of my gaijin friends leave, I'll probably hang out with my Japanese friends more and hopefully improve my Japanese. So we'll see.

Staying in Japan: Retroactive Post

All right all you good peeps,

I'm staying in Japan for another year. But only one more. Which means that you have between now and August 2009 to get out here if you want to visit me, see what my life is like and how crazy Japan is. All are definitely welcome, and starting April this year, I'll have an extra room for any visitors. So, give it some thought, save up some cash for the plane ticket, and let me know where and when you want to go, and I'll work on it from my end.
Hope you're well, wherever in this crazy world you are.

Much love,
Sarah-chan

Seattle...Is It Still Home?: Retroactive Post

Oh god, is this really my last day in Japan of the year? Am I really getting on a plane tomorrow and heading back to Seattle? Will I really be home by the end of the week? I'm afraid that the answer to all of those questions is yes.

I don't feel ready at all. At least this year, I got my packing out of the way and the only thing left to do is clean up my house tonight after my private lesson. Physically, I'm in better shape than last year, but emotionally, I'm more of a mess.

This Week Gets Even Better...Not: Retroactive Post

So what the hell, is this my punishment for trying to enjoy Christmas? This year is the first when I actually haven't HATED Christmas, where I was actually looking forward to things and God seems to want to remind me that things are not all peachy-keen. First, it was the poor little stray kitten yesterday during lunchtime. Then it was the back-to-back-to-back announcements about one of my teacher's mother-in-laws passing away, one of my vice-principals being in the hospital, and other of my other teacher's fathers passing away...all in two days.

Then, as if to remind me of my powerlessness in certain situations, as I'm leaving one of the tiny little mom-and-pop-run grocery stores on the way home from school, another stray, this one a dog, comes up and tries begging me for food. Unfortunately, I had only bought spinach, eggplant and bamboo...not really anything suitable for a dog. I definitely couldn't take in a nearly full-grown dog, after the kitten earlier in the week, but I have to say, walking away from yet another stray really sucks. It breaks my heart that I can't do more for it.

I guess the reason why I suggest that all of this is pointed directly at me, to remind me to have a crappy time around this time of the year, is that, I've gone nearly a year without running into a stray, and now to have it happen right after another, along with the human situations...I'm nearly giving in and resigning myself to another crappy holiday season. Gah. Santa, all I want for Christmas is some peace of mind...is that too hard to ask?

So When Does the Ball Drop?: Retroactive Post

This morning during second period, one of my JTEs (a pretty close one, since she is always helping Luther and me with various Japan/school-life issues) left in a hurry from school. I was on my way up to the LL to prep for my third period class, and caught up with her in the hallway. She was upset about something and soon explained the reason why. She had gotten a call from her family and found out that her father just passed away unexpectedly. Now, she is middle-aged, so it's not like her father was very young, but there was apparently no reason to suggest that he was sick or anything. She didn't know the cause of death, so I have no clue either.

This comes on the heels of two announcements during the morning meetings with bad news. The first one on Monday was accompanied by my former JTE/supervisor coming up to the middle of the teachers room, bowing and obviously very upset about something. I couldn't catch what he said, I thought I heard "musume," which is Japanese for daughter, but I wasn't sure what exactly happened. I didn't get a chance to ask about it until the next day, after hearing another disturbing announcement about one of my vice-principals.

This one, I managed to catch the words, "hospital," "sick," and "gone until next week." Actually, I verified with the teacher whose father just passed away, my suspicions that our VP was in the hospital. Our principal said that he couldn't say exactly why she was hospitalized, but that she will be undergoing surgery tomorrow. She also clarified that my other teacher's mother-in-law had passed away, which was he was upset and hence the announcement on Monday.

Obviously, all of this sucks for the people involved. I can't imagine what they are all going through, but I can't help but think about my own situation with my father. Especially after one of my other JTEs and I were talking about what was going on and she asked me to take care of my health...Little does she (or any of the other teachers, except for Luther, for that matter) know (since I haven't mentioned it to anyone), that it's not MY health that I'm worried about.

I've managed to keep thoughts of my dad, his health and his lifespan at bay, since I know that I can't really do anything until I'm home, but all of this is just a bit too familiar. I know that at least, unlike my poor teacher, I do have a heads-up of his health but that doesn't really help. Especially since I keep wondering, when's the ball going to drop and if I'm going to be the next person to have to make an announcement at a morning meeting.

We are what we eat?: Retroactive Post

So, maybe it's not as world-altering as the US declaring independence from British rule, but it's altering my world. Albert came across a really good Time (the Asian version) issue last month and wanted me to read it. As I was busy taking care of lots of other things at the time, I stubbornly told him I'd read it later, so he stubbornly refused to read it before me and instead just passed it on. However, he managed to find it again, and since it's testing week, all I have to do at work is be here, help answer grading questions and help mark tests, so I decided that today would be a good time to read it.

The reason he wanted me to read it was because it was all about food and its connections with the world we live in now, and what it might signify for our future. I was in the midst of reading the fourth article, when I had an epiphanic moment as to what my trip to Hong Kong would be like, which soon extended into how I want to spend the rest of my time in Japan. The article was discussing Mark Brownstein, aka The Food Hunter, and how his knowledge of Asia ingredients is sparking a growth of interest among German and French chefs. Reading the sentence, "The big French chefs, too, are just getting their heads around Asia," made me realize that if I want to go to France and study French cuisine, it is to my advantange to exploit my personal experience with Asian culture and cuisines.

Thus, I've decided to change my itinerary in Hong Kong from eating at posh fusion restaurants like M at the Fringe and Pierre Gagnaire's Pierre, to eating the local Cantonese and Macanese specialties, like the egg tarts and dim sum that I've heard so much about from Albert. I want to get the true taste of Hong Kong, to understand it's cooking as much as I can in the three days I have there.

This further led me to apply this to my time in Japan, and instead of spending my money eating out at expensive Western restaurants or cooking it at home, I want to learn what I can about Japanese cooking, and save my money to take trips to other Asian countries and learn about their cuisines in that way. I hope that developing a strong foundation in Japanese cooking, as well as a broader knowledge of Asian cooking, in addition to my personal knowknowledge of Filipino cooking will help differentiate me as a culinary arts student and later on as a chef. Now, I've got to see if I can curb my hedonistic tendencies to achieve my goals. Wish me luck, ne?

Paris, Je T'aime: Retroactive Post

Today I hurried home and prepared the different layers for the vegetarian lasagne I was making for tomorrow, so that I could catch the train to Shiz and watch a movie that Albert had told me about. Albert had heard about it from Bradford, who had seen it last week. He told me about it because it was a French movie showing in Shiz city and as such, figured I'd be interested.

I knew nothing about it, so a visit to its Wiki entry and the theater's website was in order. I was pleasantly surprised to find that one of my favorite actresses, Natalie Portman was in it, along with a medley of other actors. So, I decided to catch the 7pm showing, no matter the state of my household. I went and managed to find it fairly easily, sat down and prepared to watch yet another film in French with subtitles I couldn't understand, because this was Japan and not the US. There were points in the movie where I looked to the Japanese for help with the French, but after a while, I forgot about them.

The movie is actually a compilation of 18 short films set in 18 of the 20 arrondissements of Paris, focusing on what else but love in the city of Amour? But not simply love in the fashion of the next Hollywood romantic comedy (or love-com as the Japanese call it), though there was certainly some of that. Rather, it focused on love in its myriad forms, sometimes tragic, sometimes uplifting, sometimes disappointing, joyful, heart-breaking, as complex as a decades-long marriage or as simple as a haircut. And all of this is reflected in the city as well.

Albert is right in telling me that I need to learn as much about France, French and Paris as I can before I go there, in order to avoid the jarring pain of the real Paris as it meets the Paris of my dreams, thoughts and heart. But seeing this movie made me feel like the character in the last story, a fellow American with a terrible accent writing in French that she loves Paris and hopes that it will love her back.

At one point in the movie, I was nearly overwhelmed with a sense of loneliness, felt more keenly perhaps because I had spoken to Travis this morning and had been wishing for some company, especially his, during the movie. But by the end of it, I felt better for having seen it alone. It allowed me to engross myself in the movie, in Paris, that by the time I left the theater, I felt a different kind of culture-shock. With my head swimming with French and thoughts of a foreign country, I had to deal with the reality that I WAS in a foreign country, just not the one I had been looking at.

All of a sudden, I had to remember I was in Japan, not Seattle; that this wasn't my city, my country, my home. But then I realized that while Seattle no longer feels that way and that Japan feels more and more comfortable with the passing months, it's still not quite right. But I ask myself, Will France be any different? Or will I feel the way about France as I do Japan once I move after living here for at least a few years? Will any place ever feel 'Right' again, or is that something I've given up in exchange for the novelty of travel?

I guess we'll see. But for now, Paris, je t'aime.

Down in Kansai...:Retroactive Post

As we ride on the bus on the way to Akiyoshidai, I am stuck with a feeling of wonder and contentment of living in Japan. I look to the the mountains that are so different from the ones of my home - lush and full of bamboo and sakura, decidedly deciduous instead of rocky and full of the firs and pines that give Washington its name: the Evergreen State, and I realize that there really is so much beauty here, beauty of a different nature than what one finds in America. America staggers you with size and grandeur; Japan presents you with peace on a smaller scale. There is so much in this little island nation- such diversity from the snows of Hokkaido to the tropics of Okinawa and everything in between. There is so much to see and experience.

This thought makes me want to stay in Japan for another year. At first, this idea seemed scary, that I wouldn't be seeing enough of the world, during my time in it, but I've realized how easily it is to open your heart to this country and how firmly it wedges itself there. I don't think I'd be able to stay for more than 3 years at my age, simply because I truly need to go to Europe, but the idea that I could be 26 when I move to France, hopefully capable of speaking not only that language, but Japanese after having lived here for 3 years is incredibly appealing. I don't want to go home, not when Seattle no longer feels that way...

Highlights of my spring break trip:
Crazy time spent looking for an ATM and missing Sean and Imran 4 times on trains
Bus-ride to Miyajima and the ferry-ride to the island, deer, low-tide, miso-dango
Nice hotel room in Hiroshima with a corner view
Eating okonomiyaki in Okonomimura and dress-up purikura
Hiroshima Atomic Bomb Museum
White-snake observatory and sakura
Akidoshidai and Akiyoshido

Houseguests: Retroactive Post

So, I've realized that I kinda suck at playing tourguide, but luckily, my friends are forgiving and we still managed to have fun this weekend, despite crappy weather, getting a bit lost, getting on the wrong train and bus and missing the last buses. Anyway, this past weekend, Chika came from Nagoya and Branden, a fellow Seattle JET, came from Chiba-ken to visit me.

They both got in late Friday night, we stayed up catching up and begining L'Auberge Espagnole. I made breakfast on Saturday and introduced them to Albert, then we headed out to Shizuoka to go to Nihondaira. Unfortunately, it started to rain, and then we missed the bus, so we stopped to check out the new Parco (a department store) that just opened, ran into some of my students and then caught the next bus. Unfortunately, we soon realized that that bus was not only the last bus going TO Nihondaira, but it was the last one coming FROM it as well. So, we had to get off the bus at the next train station and go to Shimizu instead.

We barely caught the shuttle to Dream Plaza and spent the afternoon hanging out there, then met up with Sean and Rebecca for yaki-niku at this restaurant next to the station. This is of course followed by drinks at the Hippy Shake, where they got to meet the infamous Taka-san and have a couple tequila shots with him. We catch the last train back to Shin-Kambara, pick up a bottle of tequila at Max-Valu and continue with the shots back at my house, since they insisted that I must drink more. Albert joins us drunken fools until we all pass out while watching more L'Auberge Espagnole.

Sunday, I manage to wake up and make another breakfast and then Chika, Branden and I head over to Okitsu to check out Seikenji (a Buddhist temple). It was really different being there because it was one of the first temples that I had been to where there was no one else there, so it felt more like a temple than other ones that I've been to. There weren't a ton of tourists snapping pictures or kids running all over the place. It felt serene. After that, we tried to go to other temples but most of them close around 5, so instead we went to Kenkoland, which is an onsen, like Utopia in Nagoya, which I've described in an earlier blog. It was really relaxing with all of the different baths and massage chairs, and I even managed to get them to try the fish that eat the dead skin on your feet! Then we headed home and fell asleep.

Monday, I headed in to work, and then showed Branden and Chika around my school in the morning. Afterwards, I took the afternoon off and we went to the seawall to look at Fuji-san and the water. We took the train to Kusanagi and had lunch at this cute restaurant out on the veranda in the sun. Branden headed home and Chika took the train to Shimizu once again, and caught a bus to Miho. Miho is a black sand beach, that is the site of a pine tree in a famous Japanese folktale, Hagaromo no matsu, and managed to get a pretty good view of Fuji-san from there as well. We mostly just chilled out on the beach and then headed back to Kusanagi station where we parted ways.

All in all, an excellent weekend with the company of two good friends here in Japan. They reminded me that there are tons of cool things to see in my area, if I just look for them off the beaten path. So, to Branden and Chika, ??????????!????????! HOUSEGUESTS ALBUM

International Thoughts: Retroactive post from LiveJournal

Prompted by reading Time, BBC, IHT, and NY Times articles for the last few days, I've been struck by a few differences between America and the rest of the world. I'll preface this by saying that I've only recently moved from the US, and while I wouldn't say that I'm anti-American, I've realized that it is not the place I plan nor even want to live for the next big chunk of my life.

So today, I read a few articles about the economic growth of certain Chinese cities and the dissatisfaction that many Japanese people feel despite the economic growth in it's country. They reminded me of the shortcomings of capitalism in creating happy citizens, something that I've read time and time again. I think another ideological battle is due in the future, it doesn't surprise me Islam is growing at the rate that it is. People are looking for other alternatives for their lifestyles.

I'm not saying that I don't participate in the capitalist cycle, just saying that it makes me want to be more aware and active in making a change. The other thing that struck me was that in America, we focus so much on one another's race, even if it is in a positive sense, whereas in other countries like China for instance, the emphasis is placed on wealth. The more material wealth you display determines how people behave and react around you. Obviously this makes sense, because the level of ethnic diversity is much greater in the US than in countries like China or Japan.

Anyway, not necessarily sure how I feel about that, just thought it was something to note.