The L Bomb

Sooooo...I dropped it the other weekend.

If you don't have any idea what that means, I'll give you a hint. It refers to a particular boy from Seattle/Wenatchee, currently residing in Gunma. Get it now?

It had nearly slipped out a few times when we were saying goodbye online and on Skype while I was in Seattle. Nearly, but I managed to catch myself since that's not really something you say for the first time when you're on the other side of the largest ocean in the world, unless of course, you permanently live on opposite shores. Luckily, we don't and he's in Japan, albeit 6 hours away.

My flight came in on the afternoon of the 6th. We met up in Tokyo station and trained it back to my house together. I was going to start school the next day, luckily just opening ceremony scheduled, but he had about an extra week so he decided to spend it with me, even though I'd be working during the day.

Actually it worked out quite well because, while it began with a joke about him being my 'house-husband', after he went out for some errands and we made dinner together, he decided that he rather preferred it. Which was good because when I tried to do the same thing at the end of summer vacation, I concluded that I wasn't cut out for the housewife lifestyle. Seriously though, it wouldn't be such a bad situation: he, being a writer, could write and run errands during the day while I, as a chef, would work and 'bring home the bacon'.

I guess it was those thoughts of the future, as well as his sending me flowers in Seattle for our anniversary AND flowers to my family for the holidays, that prompted me to say those very scary, very fragile three words.

For the first few days, it had been on my mind but like I said, they are scary words to utter, and I wasn't sure if I was ready to say them. I came close a few times, but always shied away. Finally, one night we were in my goro-goro room, since the kerosene heater was there, and I missed sleeping in a futon after three weeks of being in my Seattle bed. We had hung out for most of the day, played a game of shogi (Japanese chess), and I was lying on top of him when he asked (as we routinely do of one another), "Why do you put up with me?" I hesitated for a minute, looked into his eyes and replied, "Because I love you."

I've never been more scared of anyone's reaction. My boyfriends have always said it to me first and that takes off an unbelievable amount of pressure. Of course, I guess I didn't really need to worry about it because he reacted in typical fashion: treated it like a joke and poked my nose. Not that I was really expecting him to say it back either. I just felt like, my feelings were what they were, *disirregardless* of his feelings, and I wanted him to know how I felt.