Mid-Winter Blues: Retroactive Post

Maybe it's something about the snow, or the cold, or wanting to stay in and revel in the warmth...but winter, a real winter, seems to bring out an overwhelming sense of nostalgia and the need to reminisce, and of course following that line of thinking in time and inevitably wondering about the future. Leaving Sapporo yesterday morning, I was struck by that sense of natsukashii (nostalgia) as we made our way via train of course, from Sapporo station to Chitose airport. Looking out over land, trees, houses, cars, everything until the horizon, covered in snow, I couldn't help but remember the only other time in my life when I spent a winter like that.

It was when I was interning at the legislature and living down in Olympia. It was my first time living away from my family, and I was renting a room out of this woman's house, along with two other UW Asian girls, Sunny and Mary. Our landlady was awesome, our rent was really cheap and she pretty much let us have the run of the house. Sunny and Mary were great roommates, we got along on pretty much everything including a requisite love of good cheese, though they did force me from the kitchen the mornings that they made their tuna-fish sandwiches...

My family helped me move my stuff down earlier in the day, and then Sunny arrived in the afternoon. We had a fun time trekking to the capitol in our landlady's sons' old-school snow pants, as we were petite Asian girls and they were tall, tall boys. Mary arrived the next day and by then, there was lots of snow already on the ground. I remember our mornings checking how our outfits looked with one another and trading clothes or shoes when necessary. I also remember staying up late into the night with them making frosting and cookies from scratch to make heart-shaped cookie sandwiches to give out to people all over the campus for Valentine's Day.

I miss them and I miss that time in my life and this then led me to thinking about other people that I miss. Staying up with the girls to make cookies reminds me of staying up with Albert one night to make lumpia or something for one of our classes last year. And trekking to the capitol reminds me of trekking with him over the bridge to Fuji city in the middle of a winter night and getting midnight ramen. Traveling with Travis made me miss traveling with Sean-kun and his seemingly endless knowledge of Japanese festivals and souvenirs. Walking around Akihabara and going to Mexican for dinner last night reminded me of doing the same thing with Sean, nearly a year ago. Some bands were playing music up on one of the giant snow sculpture stages in Odori Park, and two of them sang songs that Brian from Hawaii used to sing at karaoke.

Remembering all these people that have gone before, and realizing that I'll have to say goodbye to even more this summer is beginning to be really hard. The people that I hang out with most frequently, Rebecca, Pin and the Shimiz crew, Louise, Amir and the Numazu peeps, are all going. Even Travis is still unsure about whether he's going to be here for another year, and if he is, where he'll be and what that might mean for us. He could move even farther away than he already is. He could stay and maybe miserable for another year and the continuous long-distance travel could start to put a strain on our relationship.

But, I decided to re-contract knowing that all of that might be a possibility, that our relationship could end depending on our separate decisions. And I guess that's what it all comes down to and what Pin had to remind me of after Albert and Sean left: They made the decision to go back for their own reasons and ultimately they're happier, and as their friend, I should be happy for them. So, I'll gaman and try, though I can't promise I won't shed a few tears along the way.

The one silver lining in all of this, well apart from getting to live in Japan for one more year and seeing my 15HR graduate, is that if all of my gaijin friends leave, I'll probably hang out with my Japanese friends more and hopefully improve my Japanese. So we'll see.

Staying in Japan: Retroactive Post

All right all you good peeps,

I'm staying in Japan for another year. But only one more. Which means that you have between now and August 2009 to get out here if you want to visit me, see what my life is like and how crazy Japan is. All are definitely welcome, and starting April this year, I'll have an extra room for any visitors. So, give it some thought, save up some cash for the plane ticket, and let me know where and when you want to go, and I'll work on it from my end.
Hope you're well, wherever in this crazy world you are.

Much love,
Sarah-chan

Seattle...Is It Still Home?: Retroactive Post

Oh god, is this really my last day in Japan of the year? Am I really getting on a plane tomorrow and heading back to Seattle? Will I really be home by the end of the week? I'm afraid that the answer to all of those questions is yes.

I don't feel ready at all. At least this year, I got my packing out of the way and the only thing left to do is clean up my house tonight after my private lesson. Physically, I'm in better shape than last year, but emotionally, I'm more of a mess.

This Week Gets Even Better...Not: Retroactive Post

So what the hell, is this my punishment for trying to enjoy Christmas? This year is the first when I actually haven't HATED Christmas, where I was actually looking forward to things and God seems to want to remind me that things are not all peachy-keen. First, it was the poor little stray kitten yesterday during lunchtime. Then it was the back-to-back-to-back announcements about one of my teacher's mother-in-laws passing away, one of my vice-principals being in the hospital, and other of my other teacher's fathers passing away...all in two days.

Then, as if to remind me of my powerlessness in certain situations, as I'm leaving one of the tiny little mom-and-pop-run grocery stores on the way home from school, another stray, this one a dog, comes up and tries begging me for food. Unfortunately, I had only bought spinach, eggplant and bamboo...not really anything suitable for a dog. I definitely couldn't take in a nearly full-grown dog, after the kitten earlier in the week, but I have to say, walking away from yet another stray really sucks. It breaks my heart that I can't do more for it.

I guess the reason why I suggest that all of this is pointed directly at me, to remind me to have a crappy time around this time of the year, is that, I've gone nearly a year without running into a stray, and now to have it happen right after another, along with the human situations...I'm nearly giving in and resigning myself to another crappy holiday season. Gah. Santa, all I want for Christmas is some peace of mind...is that too hard to ask?

So When Does the Ball Drop?: Retroactive Post

This morning during second period, one of my JTEs (a pretty close one, since she is always helping Luther and me with various Japan/school-life issues) left in a hurry from school. I was on my way up to the LL to prep for my third period class, and caught up with her in the hallway. She was upset about something and soon explained the reason why. She had gotten a call from her family and found out that her father just passed away unexpectedly. Now, she is middle-aged, so it's not like her father was very young, but there was apparently no reason to suggest that he was sick or anything. She didn't know the cause of death, so I have no clue either.

This comes on the heels of two announcements during the morning meetings with bad news. The first one on Monday was accompanied by my former JTE/supervisor coming up to the middle of the teachers room, bowing and obviously very upset about something. I couldn't catch what he said, I thought I heard "musume," which is Japanese for daughter, but I wasn't sure what exactly happened. I didn't get a chance to ask about it until the next day, after hearing another disturbing announcement about one of my vice-principals.

This one, I managed to catch the words, "hospital," "sick," and "gone until next week." Actually, I verified with the teacher whose father just passed away, my suspicions that our VP was in the hospital. Our principal said that he couldn't say exactly why she was hospitalized, but that she will be undergoing surgery tomorrow. She also clarified that my other teacher's mother-in-law had passed away, which was he was upset and hence the announcement on Monday.

Obviously, all of this sucks for the people involved. I can't imagine what they are all going through, but I can't help but think about my own situation with my father. Especially after one of my other JTEs and I were talking about what was going on and she asked me to take care of my health...Little does she (or any of the other teachers, except for Luther, for that matter) know (since I haven't mentioned it to anyone), that it's not MY health that I'm worried about.

I've managed to keep thoughts of my dad, his health and his lifespan at bay, since I know that I can't really do anything until I'm home, but all of this is just a bit too familiar. I know that at least, unlike my poor teacher, I do have a heads-up of his health but that doesn't really help. Especially since I keep wondering, when's the ball going to drop and if I'm going to be the next person to have to make an announcement at a morning meeting.

Ah, Pets...: Retroactive Post

Lord, it's been a while...

Anyway today I just had to write about my run-in with an adorable little stray. Luther and I were leaving the school to go out to lunch at the Chinese guy's AKA Mr. Wong's (though that isn't even it's real name), which is a pretty rare occasion these days, when we hear a mewing noise coming from near the entrance of the school. We make a quick turn on our bikes and see a tiny little grayish-cream kitten meowing its heart out next to one of the pillars at the front of the school.

We stop and pet it briefly, but even that short bit of attention seemed to have endeared us to him/her because when we went to leave, it started following us. I tried to bike, but it wasn't deterred. We couldn't take it with us in our bike baskets, and we were afraid that if we let it follow us, it might get run over by a car on the street. Eventually Luther had to pick it up and let me get a head-start on my bike, drop it off near the bushes at the entrance and then try to make his own getaway. Even so, the poor thing managed to get back to the sidewalk and we had no choice but to leave the thing staring at us in despondence.

I decided to get an extra order of gyozas for takeout and bring some back for the poor thing in case it was still wandering around. We got back to school and heard it mewing near the bus stop. Luther didn't think it was old enough to eat solid food, but after I managed to get it near enough to the gyoza filling that I had taken out of its wrapper, it ate it up. I left it another one and then we decided we had to go...

I didn't know what else I could do for it, especially since I: 1) don't know if I'm even allowed to keep a pet at my apartment, 2) don't know a thing about raising a cat and 3) will be leaving for America in a little over a week. Still, it would've been nice to finally have a pet.

Anyway, where-ever you are little nekko-chan, I hope you stay safe and find a good home.

All I can say is OH MY GOD!: Retroactive Post

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