Gadgets, Guzen and Good Eats

Gadgets:
Today I went to Shiz after work to find out about getting an iPhone. I've been thinking about it for ages, but never has the incentive been greater to switch from Docomo to Softbank. Travis and Pin both have Softbank and they have a White Plan which allows free calls to between members before 9pm, a rarity in Japan, so it would already be worth it for me. Now however, they just began a campaign where it's free with a two-year contract.

I told Travis and he gave me a scare when it seemed like he would get one before me, which pushed me past my anxiety about talking to them in Japanese. It was easier than I expected and they were surprisingly friendly and not pushy about getting me to stay with Docomo. When I said I wanted to switch to Softbank, the customer service rep nodded knowingly and guessed, iPhone?

All I needed was to show them my gaijin card, they typed some info in, and printed off a slip of paper for me to show Softbank. Turns out, I could keep the same number though I do have to change emails, and I could continue to use my phone until I got my new contract set up. Pretty sweet.

I went to Softbank, but it was a bust b/c I didn't have my gaijin card and bank passbook AND passport AND hanko (personal seal). So I've got to go back when I have all of that with me, but it doesn't seem too difficult.

Guzen:
I didn't go alone though. I had company, Chaz aka @GuzenMediaJapan on Twitter. It was funny how I met him. He was a first for me. We began following one another on Twitter because we were both Shizuoka ALTs and had messaged a bit, but nothing significant.

Then last November, while I was attending a skit contest at a nearby university, one of the ALTs there that I didn't recognize came up to me and asked, "Hey, do you teach in Kambara?" "Uh, yes..." "Are you on Twitter?" Again, "Uh, yes..." "Oh, I'm Chaz! Guzen?" "Oh, hi! Nice to finally meet you in person!" All the while thinking, Wow my first real-life Twitter meet-up. This is kinda cool. And really nerdy.

Anyway, after that, we had exchanged keitai emails and messaged a bit more frequently, but still nothing too big. Today though, none of my usual Zu (Shimizu) Crew could meet up for dinner, and on a whim, I asked him if he was free this evening. He was, so we met up and got acquainted in person.

Good Eats:
Stacey ended up opting out of soccer so she caught up with us at the Thai restaurant (the REAL Thai place). At first, I didn't know what to tell her about Chaz, or what he'd be like, but we all ended up having a good time. Apparently he was friends with a bunch of Filipinos back in VA, and LOVES Hawaii so we had those two things in common with him. Plus, he regaled us with stories from his 13 years of teaching in Japan, another shared bond. It was impressive to see how confident he is in himself and his goals as an English teacher. Maybe if I stayed another 10 years, I might be a bit like that. Not much to say about dinner despite the title though, other than it was excellent as always and now I'm nearly unpleasantly full.

The one thing I realized after the evening though: I've been spending a lot of time with the same people, the same friends. Not that I don't love them, or hanging out with them or Travis, but for the last 2 months, I've ONLY been out with them. I haven't really seen my other friends. Not other ALTs, not my J-friends. I've got to fix that. So maybe the last G in my title should be 'Goals' instead.

Bonne Anniversaire...

...to me. Haha, no to Japan.

I was looking through some of my old blog posts a couple of nights ago when I saw the one titled 'Sayonara Seattle.' I got a bit of a shock when I looked at the post date: March 3, 2006. Three years ago to the day. I wrote it while sitting on the plane to Nagoya.

It was the first time I'd flown abroad since my family immigrated to the US, and only my second time flying alone. I was anxious and excited and a bit worried, but I didn't need to be. I fell in love with the city and the country. Obviously, it's why I find myself still here 3 years later.

It's a strange thing though, recalling that time. Before I came to Japan, it was as if it didn't exist. It was simply a name, a series of images and sounds. Obviously I know it existed, but it was as if it wasn't a real place (for me) until I touched down. Now, it's real in a very tangible way and I find myself looking forward to all those countries I want to visit/live in in the future. All of those visions waiting to be realized.

So, a toast:
To dreaming...

The Plague and the Aftermath

So yesterday, I felt like I was dying at school. Or rather, I described it as going through everything associated with a hangover, without the benefit of having gotten drunk the night before. I got cheated. I came home as soon as possible from work, took a bath and lay in bed for most of the evening.

My phone went off around 7pm and I was surprised when I saw my parents' number come up on Caller ID. I was even more surprised when the first words out of my mother's mouth were, "Sarah, are you okay?" I thought, Do I sound that bad? How did she know I felt like crap? and blurted out, "No, I'm feeling kinda sick," before I knew it.

Apparently though, it was less a testament to my mother's observational skills as it was to her superstitious-ness. She had had a dream with me in it and was worried, so she wanted to check in and make sure I was all right. Normally, I'd kind of make fun of her for that kind of thing, but just earlier in the day, I had been thinking about how it'd be nice if someone was at home to take care of me. I'll admit it, I wished I had my mom around.

So, we had probably one of the best talks in my life: frank, unconfrontational, caring. It was a surprising. I spent the rest of the evening feeling much better.

God, what do you write?

I've been slowly preparing myself to say goodbye to my san-nensei in the last month. I think I've been doing all right. I even told Travis last night when we were on the phone talking about it that I was feeling better about it because I was certain that I would still keep in touch with my some of my students after they graduated. Getting a chance to talk to and hang out with my students that graduated last year in recent days has been helping.

But I pointed out that it was still not the same as getting to see them every day. Pretty soon their hallway will be filled with different students and the transfer will be complete.

And now, this morning, the teacher in charge of sado-bu (tea ceremony club) gave me the stuffed animals that were to be their graduation present and asked me to write a message on them. She told me I had until the end of 3rd period.

It's more than half-way through 1st right now, and I haven't gotten any farther than writing their nickname on the first doll. Anyone who's met me, or reads this blog for that matter knows that I'm rather verbose, but today, I feel speechless. I don't know what to say to them.

I don't know how to say goodbye.

I thought I'd gotten better at it after 2 and a half years. I thought that I'd know the right things to say, to write when the time came.

I don't.

Do I try to be funny and light-hearted? Serious and inspiring? Sweet and nostalgic? What memory do I leave them with, after all the memories they've given to me?

Missing You

Pin likes to tease me about growing up in Seattle and wonders how I'm still alive, because "doesn't everyone kill themselves in the winter?" This year, I spend most of my time with friends from the warm, sunny places of the US: California, Florida, Hawaii. It was with not unreasonable envy that I looked over their photos from Christmas break and saw sunny, clear blue skies, while I sat stuck indoors because of a foot or more of snow. But that was freak cold weather, at least for Seattle.

The last few weeks though have presented me with the cold, gray, overcast/rainy days that I come to expect from the winter season. The days I was familiar with. The ones of my childhood.

Today was another such day. It assailed me with an overpowering sense of homesickness. Or maybe not homesickness as much as Pat-sickness. I was looking through my photos and I saw some from Christmas '07 and then ones from this past Christmas. I can't believe how quickly the time between them passed. All those missed months, moments, memories...

I know that it's my choice to stay out here, and that it will continue to remain my choice to stay away, but sometimes it sucks. It sucks that my best friend is half the world away and that I talk to him infrequently at best. It sucks that he isn't here to see all the things that make up my life in Japan, or meet the people that populate it. That we can't go out for a cup of coffee or a drink as our ritual and share our troubles with life and love.

But, ever-the-optimist, I search for the silver lining, no matter how elusive it is, especially in clouds as slate-grey as the ones outside. I have hope that our friendship is stronger than the accumulated experiences we share; that we remain connected despite the distance; that we are more than the sum of our parts.

I guess that's the answer to Pin's question. What else would it be but Hope?

A Blood-Red Flower

I know I'm a few days late, but I just thought I'd share some love and my favorite quote on the subject. It's from a book by Olive Shriner:

"I don't know much about love," she said, "and I do not like to talk of things I do not understand; but I have heard two opinions.

Some say that the Devil carried the seed from hell, and planted it on the earth to plague men and make them sin; and some say that when all the plants in the garden of Eden were pulled up by the roots, one bush that the angels had planted was left growing, and it spread its seed over the whole earth, and its name is love.

I do not know which is right, perhaps both. There are different species that go under the same name. There is a love that begins in the head, and goes down to the heart, and grows slowly; but it lasts until death, and it asks less than it gives. There is another love, that blots out wisdom, that is sweet with the sweetness of life and bitter with the bitterness of death, lasting for an hour; but it is worth having lived a whole life for that hour.

I cannot tell, perhaps the old monks were right when they tried to root love out; perhaps the poets are right when they try to water it. It is a blood-red flower with the color of sin, but there is always the scent of a god about it."

Happy Valentine's all, I hope you appreciate (and smell) love in its many forms.

Nuanced

sympathy: /ˈsɪmpəθi/ (noun) feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune
Origin: (via Latin from Greek) sumpatheia, from sun- 'with' + pathos 'feeling'

empathy: /ˈɛmpəθi/ (noun) the ability to understand and share the feelings of another
Origin: (from Greek) empatheia, from em- 'in' + pathos 'feeling'


One thing I've always prided myself in was my empathy. It's the reason why I can be such a cry-baby when I watch movies or read books sometimes. I can't help it. I put myself in the character's shoes and all of a sudden I can't see past what it must be like for them: the frustration, the despair, the heartache, the grief. I imagine all the thoughts that must be running through their heads. I don't just imagine them though, I think them. I think about what it would be like if I heard the words they were hearing. It's worse when it's not just a fiction though; when it's a living, breathing person; when that person is my friend. My heart breaks with each torn inch of theirs.

That was what ultimately deterred me from going into psychology. I didn't think I had the emotional strength to withstand the battering of my patients' emotional baggage. But on the other hand, it's one of my strengths. I'm able to listen to others and see through their motivations and rationalizations. I'd rather be thin-skinned than thick. On that path lies apathy which is:

apathy: /ˈæpəθi/ (noun) absence or suppression of passion, emotion, or excitement; lack of interest in or concern for things that others find moving or exciting.
Origin: (from Greek) apathīa from a- 'without' + pathos 'feeling'